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Posts by snobbyrobby831
Name: robby w
Joined: Nov 22, 2015
Last Post: Nov 22, 2015
Threads: 1
Posts: 2  

From: usa
School: pghs

Displayed posts: 3
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snobbyrobby831   
Nov 22, 2015
Undergraduate / American way of life - UC prompt 1 personal statement - My dream school is UC Berkeley! [10]

Very well written and full of vivid imagery. Your style and diction is perfect!

As for content, I'm blown away! Personally, I feel like you should elaborate more on your initial experiences with the book and channel that into why you wanted to become a writer. (This is just preference, it's good as is!)

"Harry Potter and the Sorcerer Stone" should be "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone"
snobbyrobby831   
Nov 22, 2015
Undergraduate / UC Prompt #1: Your World (thirty eight) - I've grown to become a programming "nerd" [7]

I can definitely see how Mr. Berniker had an impact on your life and your dreams/aspirations of becoming a software engineer. The tone is casual and somewhat easy to follow. Now time for some corrections

...to anime to League to Legends. (should to be of ? As in League of Legends?)

...years of programming, I've became a programming... (Do you mean I have become or I became ?)

As for the content, I think it's your own dedication and ambition that led to your decision to pursue the goal of becoming a software engineer. Didn't you take the initiative to take the challenging courses and difficult course load? I don't know your life so correct me if I'm wrong.
snobbyrobby831   
Nov 22, 2015
Undergraduate / 'calculating definite integrals' - Rhetorical Analysis in a STEM World; [UC Prompt 1] [3]

Prompt: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

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Growing up, the world of mathematics and science has always intrigued me. I have always preferred to calculate definite integrals rather than talk about the Gilded Age, and I will choose to read about NASA's latest discoveries over Shakespearean sonnets any day of the week. I felt I could delve into the concepts of Calculus and Newtonian Physics more easily than Carnegie's Gospel of Wealth and Shakespeare's iambic pentameter. I saw myself devoted to the fields pertaining to Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics (STEM) and aspired to pursue a career where I could apply my fascination into the field of engineering. When I walked into AP English Language & Composition at the start of my junior year, however, I realized my interests and passions were not exclusive to just math or science; I soon learned my world also comprised of rhetorical analysis as well.

My teacher defined a rhetorical analysis as a criticism and identification of the rhetorical strategies utilized by the author to achieve a desired effect: to persuade, inform, or entertain. I incorrectly assumed that rhetorical analysis would parallel the methods of analysis of graphs or free-body diagrams so on my first rhetorical analysis essay I struggled. Given complete freedom in an analytical situation, I panicked and consequently hit writer's block. I have been used to analyzing data within the constraints of physics, not analyzing non-fictional prose within the constraints of my own judgment. As one could probably infer, I did not do well on that essay. Resilient, I immediately became determined to improve and conquer the rhetorical analysis, partly because to remove the atrocious grade from my report card.

I quickly learned that rhetorical analysis required some unique critical thinking, different from an analysis of a pie chart or a position versus time graph. Rhetorical analysis did not require a single, definite answer; these essays often possessed a myriad of correct answers. I figured out that I needed to be open minded and impartial in order to view a piece of written work as a whole to see all the possibilities and applications of rhetoric. I also realized becoming more observant and scrutinizing every single, minute detail helped expand the extent of my analysis.

I progressively performed better in writing rhetorical analysis essays, and I managed to pass the class with an "A" and scored a 5 on the AP exam. Although these scores sounded great, the major takeaway from this course was how I applied my world of rhetorical analysis to my passion for academic excellence in STEM fields. Open mindedness and stellar observation proved useful in my Physics and Calculus classes; rather than focus solely on one aspect of a problem, I took a broader approach and analyzed all possibilities and trivial details, just as I had done with my rhetorical analysis essays. Rhetorical analyses could also contribute to finding solutions to scientific problems or trouble shooting technology by maintaining a broad focus and thoroughly examining all outcomes - again all components of a rhetorical analysis.

The world of rhetorical analysis has prepared me for upcoming math and science classes in college by encouraging me to staying open-minded and diligent. These two characteristics lead me order for me to succeed in writing a rhetorical analysis as well as solving any scientific inquiry. Ultimately, the process of a rhetorical analysis requires intellectual curiosity, a crucial aspect of anyone pursuing STEM. Rather than disparaging the two distinct worlds of academics, I let my intellectual curiosity take over and I incorporated elements of rhetorical analysis into my fascination of math and science. The application of rhetorical analysis increased my fervency with mathematics and physics.

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Thanks for reading my essay and I appreciate the feedback!
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