Posts by mrrocks57

mrrocks57

Dec 20, 2015

Writing Feedback / The Most Favorite Leader in Indonesia by Grahyta [3]

Leadership is the human ability to enlist the aid and support of others in the accomplishment of a common task. A LEADER IS ALSO SOMEONE WHO IS ABLE TO MOTIVATE AND INPIRE THOSE WHO ADMIRE HIM/HER~~People in this world have someone or a leader or some leader who admired. In my opinion, people must have figure who are admired to give motivations in their life.~~Mabey add a sentance or two here about some general ways that a leader can inpire his/her followers In my life, I have two leaders who i admire, both from my home country of Indonesia~~They are leaders that work in my country, Indonesia.~~

Ir. Basuki Tjahaja Purnama, M.M is one of leader who admired. He was a governor of DKI Jakarta who started IN November 19th, 2014. People usually call him as Ahok. He was born in Manggar, East Belitung on June 29th, 1996. Before he BECAME governor, he was a governor deputy of DKI Jakarta. He had TAKEN Jokowi's (Joko Widodo) position since Jokowi started as president of Indonesia. He graduated from Trisakti University and Presetya Mulya Business School. He was a member of commission II of the House of Representatives for the 2009-2004 term. He HAS SINCE BEEN a regent in East Belitung.

He started GAINING popularity when he was being a candidate of governor deputy WERE HE BECAME WELL KNOWN THROUGH HIS MANY APPEARENCES ON TELIVISON. ~~I know him in television at the first time~~ . In additionTO HIS APPEARANCES ON TV, I started to RESEARCH HIM on the internet, AND LEARNED MORE about him on Youtube to SEE how he promoted HIMSELF as a candidate of governor deputy.

A Second leader who is A FAVORITE OF MINE is Dr. (H.C) Ir. Tri Rismaharini, M.T. She is very well known, not only in Indonesia but also INTERNATIONALLY. As such she BECAME the first lady TO BE selected as the best mayor of the world in 2014.(Do you have a source for this. who selected her?) I ALSO KNOW ABOUT her from television who ANNOUNCED her as the best mayor of the world in 2014.

Risma, AS SHE IS usually called, was born in Kediri, East Java on November 20th, 1961. She HAS BEEN a mayor of Surabaya since September 28th, 2010. Risma is the first WOMAN TO BE selected as a mayor of Surabaya. She HAS BRAVELY tackled problems in Surabaya.

Ahok is the same as Risma to tackle problems in Indonesia. They are BRAVE leaders, AND ARE THEREFORE admired by MANYpeople. Also, the thing that makes me ADMIRE THEM is their resoluteness to maintain laws in Indonesia. I want all leader in Indonesia becoming leaders like them and bringing the citizen as priority in their life. They do not only think about money or themselves but also think about development in Indonesia and make Indonesia to a better country.

Your final paragraph is good. Unless you have a length contraint, i would recommend adding a little bit more about why you admire them. Mabey go into detail about how they help the people of Indonesia.

mrrocks57

Dec 20, 2015

Undergraduate / I've always considered myself a "math guy". One page on why do I want to go to Carnagie Mellon [5]

Thanks for the feedback vangiespen. I guess i misunderstood the question and assumed the part asking why i chose that major was asking about my background. would you, or anybody else reading this, recommend i just remove those two paragraphs about my background entirely and replace them with a new paragraph in the middle with a sentance or two about my background and then talk about why CMU is great for that major? Or would another paragraph talking about other benifits of the college work better?

mrrocks57

Dec 18, 2015

Undergraduate / I've always considered myself a "math guy". One page on why do I want to go to Carnagie Mellon [5]

Hey, im writing my essay for Carngie Mellon and just finished my first draft and would love any advice i could get. The prompt is

Please submit a one page, single-spaced essay that explains why you have chosen Carnegie Mellon and your particular major(s), department(s) or program(s). This essay should include the reasons why you've chosen the major(s), any goals or relevant work plans and any other information you would like us to know.

I've always considered myself a "math guy". Despite my love for reading, I have always felt drawn to the stem subjects. Whether my analytical mindset led me to enjoy the sciences, or was caused by it, I may never know. What I do know is that I want to find a career that I will enjoy, rather than one I am forced to do, and believe that is engineering. Starting in 9th grade, I enrolled in a series of engineering courses, "Project Lead the Way", where I learned about a wide range of fields from computer design to wind turbines. This is where I first discovered my love for robotics. After extensive research, I finally came to conclusion that the best field for me was electrical engineering. This would allow me to not only potentially enter career in robotics, but it would enable me to satisfy one of my most basic interests, understanding how things work. My plan seemed set in stone by eleventh grade. After high school, I would go to college for electrical engineering, maybe a minor in applied math or physics, and then get a job making robots. But then I decided to take a computer science class.

From day one, I was in love. From how logical and simple everything was structured in programming to the amazing things I was learning how to do in Java, I enjoyed it all. To further my interest, I enrolled in an independent study for computer science, which allowed me to develop tangible projects, such as an android application, that only furthered my desire to pursue computer science further. But now, I had a problem, because I felt as if I had to choose between computer science and engineering. I had debated between every possible combination of dual majors and majors and minor pairs. That is, until I learned about computer engineering. During an information panel on a college visit, I was introduced to computer engineering. It was described to me as the cross section of a Venn diagram between electrical engineering and computer science, and my eyes light up. It seemed as if this major had been hand designed for me.

For me, I first learned about Carnegie Mellon through a colleges.usnews ranking. In 11th grade, I was just beginning my search for colleges and looked up the best engineering schools in the country and naturally found Carnegie Mellon among the top. While this peaked my interest, I placed in on my list of "reach schools" and moved on. However, the more I learned about the school, the more it captured my attention. I was especially drawn in by the rigor of the academics, and the importance that they hold in the university, as opposed to some schools that loose that focus to sports and other events. I have always enjoyed school and excelled whenever I am really challenged, and I see the strength of the academia, as well as being surrounded by likeminded and dedicated students who are also attracted to such a university as a place that I could not only enjoy, but call home. Not only can I connect with my colleagues, but the vast networking available through alumni and respect for the university will help be thrive in the future.

In addition to the strong academics and alumni, I feel drawn to the ability to do research as an undergrad, a task that was emphasized during my visit. While I have elaborate dreams of becoming an amazing engineer who will create a wave of autonomous robots that work anywhere from driving to physical labor, I realize that I really have no idea what kind of career I have in twenty, fifteen, or even ten years from now. The research opportunism offered at CMU not only provide exciting projects to work on, but will help me decide what I want to spend the rest of my life doing. Specifically, the "Games with a purpose" project caught my eye. While I am by no means an avid video game player, I do enjoy them, and believe that they can have an educational benefit; Duo lingo, for example, is a great app that I use which is working to teach everyone a second language, and was coincidentally developed by CMU alum. The ability to work on innovative research, such as this one, "to the moon", and more was one of the biggest features that drew me to Carnegie Mellon because I want to contribute to something significant during my time at college, not just learn something that can be gleamed from a textbook, and the best way I can see that happening is with the research projects and resources that would be available at Carnegie Mellon. From the excellent academics, the available networking, and innovative beyond, and has earned its place as my top choice of colleges.

Thanks in advance for any help :)