Posts by Chels4afu

Chels4afu

Dec 30, 2015

Undergraduate / I am choosing NYU for its various undergraduate programs, study abroad programs, and student life. [2]

Your essay seems a little generic. When you talk about their econ major, don't tell them simple facts they already know and have seen a thousand times in applicant essays. Tell them why NYU's economics major is best one for YOU, how will it help YOU specifically, make it about yourself not about them; they already know they're awesome, they want to know why they should give you the opportunity to study there.They want to know specifics. Are there are any specific programs within the economics department that you can't find anywhere else? Do they offer a specific teaching style you like?

For the study abroad part you have to do the same. You go on about your love for Spanish but what is stopping you from applying to other schools and studying abroad. Many schools will give you the same option to study abroad in Spain. Say what makes their study abroad programs special.

You're a good writer, but overall I recommend you do a little more research in order to make your response stand out.

Chels4afu

Dec 22, 2015

Undergraduate / I wake up to the sound of an angry Korean mother -- Rice Perspective Essay [2]

You go into detail about your experiences, but you don't show enough of how its changed you and what perspective you'll bring to Rice. I also feel as though the 3 different life experiences distract from you fully answering the prompt. Perhaps just use one or two, and really expand on how they've impacted you and how that impact will allow you to bring a certain perspective to Rice.

As for the writing, I think you sound a little formulaic as if you are writing a school paper. Don't tell, show! Let your personality shine through.

Chels4afu

Dec 22, 2015

Undergraduate / University of Chicago Undergraduate Application- Extended Essay and first supplemental. [2]

~~Some may believe that obtaining the solution to this question is impossible, and that anyone endeavoring to do so is chasing a pipe dream. To find a definite solution to the paradox however~~

You stated earlier the rest of the essay will be based of the assumption that it would be possible, Don't go back on that. I would recommend finding another segway into that last sentence.

~~. No, not the rover~~

~~and where life could one day have flourished~~
this sentence is confusing. If your talking about the past, perhaps you could say, "and where life once could have flourished "

~~the rest of this essay operates on the assumption that~~
maybe go with something more simple like:Let's assume that
I would take a stroll over the surface of Mars, while documenting my observations of the surface and what I see around me.

your beginning sentence needs more of a hook to it

Sorry I kind of went out of order with the edits. Overall I really enjoyed the essay. I think it's quite unique.

Chels4afu

Dec 21, 2015

Undergraduate / UVA supplements - Quirks and Literature that has unsetteled you [2]

Prompt 1: We are a community with quirks, both in language and in traditions. Describe one of your quirks and why it is part of who you are. (250 Words)

I am a thief. I pick my victims carefully and I carry out my work diligently. I've been a thief for as long as I remember. I've been stealing since my pre-pubescent elementary school days.

It all started in the second grade when I had finally mastered the art of writing. Although spelling was not my stronghold, I could write the letters of the alphabet with the precision and accuracy of that belonging to a professional.

One morning, while I was competing my daily journal in Ms. Wilkes class, I decided that my handwriting gave too much away. It was abnormally neat for a second grader and because of this I was often deemed the grueling task of having to write whenever we had group projects. So on that fateful morning, I looked to my right and watched as my friend Katie wrote her response to the question of the day. When I felt as though I had seen enough, I turned back to my paper, and I stole her handwriting. It wasn't perfect, but it was close and as the years went by I only got better.

I stick with the same stolen handwriting for weeks or even months at a time before I actively seek out yet another victim. It's a type of guilt-free, completely legal stealing. I would describe it as one of my quirks; it's become the odd way in which I display admiration. After all, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Prompt 2:What work of art, music, science, mathematics, or literature has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way? (250 Words)
It took me only a few hours to finish Flowers for Algernon. It wasn't because I had any obligation or time constraint pertaining to it. It wasn't like those times I've hid away consuming book pages because I was due to see the movie later that day. I finished Flowers for Algernon so quickly because I was hopeful. I turned each page with the hope that things would get better, with the hope that the sad plot line would eventually dwindle away and there would be a happily ever after. I just couldn't wrap my mind around the injustices displayed in the book.

It ultimately made me realize the paradoxical standard many are subjected to. It is easy to look down on those whose intelligence doesn't amount to yours, but when it comes to those whom you deem to be smarter than you, many of us resent the feeling of inferiority. I sympathized with the main character Charlie Gordon who suffered from a mental disability resulting in his low IQ, before eventually going through an experimental operation that turned him into a genius. Prior to the operation Charlie longed to fit in, and after the operation he was still isolated from those around him as they felt he was too smart and perceived him as arrogant.

It is unsettling to think that this is something that is actually present in everyday life. There is jealousy and competitiveness surrounding education that's distracting many from following their passions regardless of the opinions of others, while making other feel isolated from their peers. Given the opportunity to attend UVA, I know that I would be in an environment that is inclusive and supportive of its student's academic pursuits.