Writing Feedback / IELTS: By punishing murderers with the death penalty, society is also guilty of committing murder. [3]

I have tried to edit your essay for you:

Thousands of people around the world are murdered by another human beings and this number is soaring rather than declining.
they are guilty of murdering or not and should be given second chance to change themselves.

Graduate / To finish my career goal, I choose Marshall Business School as a start in the profession - USC essay [7]

I have had a habit since I was young? and since i was young in the second sentence is repetitive.

Writing Feedback / Essay about HOW TO CHANGE A BAD HABIT? - [2]

I would avoid talking in second person throughout the essay. It may be effective in the beginning to draw the attention of the reader, but it may come across as little informal.