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Posts by adil2000 [Suspended]
Name: Adil
Joined: Feb 21, 2016
Last Post: Feb 21, 2016
Threads: 2
Posts: 5  
From: United States of America
School: University of Washington

Displayed posts: 7
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adil2000   
Feb 21, 2016
Undergraduate / Admissions essay to UW on cultural insensitivity. Is currently 490 words and needs to be 300 or less [2]

Prompt: Describe an experience of cultural difference or insensitivity you have had or observed. What did you learn from it?

Cultural difference and insensitivity are topics that are constantly televised, but never truly affect one until he or she experiences them first-hand. Such was the case for me in the Starbucks breakfast line at the Junior State of America's Fall State Convention. Standing in line with me were a myriad of fellow drowsy students who also had stayed up the whole night and just needed some quick caffeine to get them going for another exciting day of debate. Two spots ahead of me in line was an African American hotel guest. He asked my friend, who was standing directly in front of me in line, why there were so many students at the Double Tree. My friend began to explain to him what the Junior State of America was, and how students debated a variety of topics and strived to engage in active political discussion. Then, the man asked "What debate are you guys going to next?" My friend replied by stating the topic as "Resolved, police department makeup be reflective of the communities they serve". This was, of course, a very controversial issue as this event took place during the aftermath of the Freddie Gray incident. The hotel guest voiced his opinion on the case to us, and explained why he believes the police department makeup should in fact be reflective of the communities they served. He went on to say that recruiting a police force that mimics a community's population could lead to a decline in the police shootings that have been plaguing our society.

What happened after that was quite unprecedented for both my friend and me. The barista came over and asked the man leave, citing that "he was disrupting the environment and scaring the students". The man protested this saying that he was simply "voicing his opinion and educating us on a topic". My friend and I both looked at each other and knew that this was not right. At that moment, I decided that I had to speak up. I told the barista, "No, its fine. Actually, he was teaching about the history of his people!" The barista had an interesting expression on her face, a mix of surprise and confusion. She then said "Okay, sorry for the mix-up", and returned to serving up coffees.

I hear about racial oppression everywhere, from Baltimore to Atlanta to Chicago, but I have never really felt its effects here on the west coast. Confronting this cultural insensitivity head-on helped me realize that everyone has to do their part, no matter where they live and no matter their race. The media seems to always spread the deleterious effects of racism, but never propagates a way for people to come together and fight it. I have learned that prejudice exists everywhere, and the only way to fight it is to come together and value everyone equally, regardless of factors such as race, religion, or gender.
adil2000   
Feb 21, 2016
Undergraduate / "Fear can be your worst enemy" - help lenghtening/editing essay. 200 more words. [6]

Thanks you so much for all the help @hiddengrace. I've written a revised version trying to Incorporate everything you have mentioned:

Fear can be your worst enemy.
It was a warm, breezy day in mid-July. One of those rare days in Seattle where the skies are clear and the sun is shining. I was going into seventh grade, and was on a field trip as a part of a summer camp that I was attending. Over the first few days of the camp I had made some friends going into eighth and ninth grade, and our first field trip was going to be to Camp Warm Beach. All of my friends were excited about the high ropes course but I was more inclined towards swimming in the pool or going canoeing. In the end, I did not want to be the only one of my friends who was not on the high ropes course, so I agreed to it anyway. From the moment I climbed up into the trees I was trembling, with my heart beating just as fast as my hands were shaking. As I walked across the tightrope I was singing songs in my head to distract myself from the obstacles at hand. I did not dare to look down. That was until I reached the leap of faith.

"Breath in. Breath out," I told myself repeatedly. I looked down but I could not bring myself to do it. I may have only been 40 feet in the air but it looked like 400 feet. I could see the people below me, mere ants from my point of view.

Ahead of me lie an open expanse. An open expanse I had to jump across in order to reach the other side. While it was probably only 4 feet long it seemed as if it extended forever. "Surely I was going to die if I jumped into that endless pit," I thought. I spent what seemed like an eternity just staring at what lie ahead of me until I looked back and saw two people waiting behind me. I knew I had to get moving so I mustered up all the courage that I had and took the jump.

"Wait no! I can't jump that far," I thought.
Everything was a blur. I could feel my stomach flip and the whole world turned black. I felt like my mind was spinning in a world of darkness. Then, in an instant, I opened up my eyes and looked down. I was hanging in mid-air about 35 feet off the ground thanks to my safety harness. Soon enough I was being pulled back up to the ropes course by the climber behind me.

In that flash I learned an important lesson-to be adventurous, because often times fear is the only thing holding one back. Since then, I have been much more willing to take a chance on life, and try new things. This is a lesson that has changed me from a young age, and has undoubtedly prepared me for the world that lies ahead. Now, I know not to let any fears get in my way. My character has shifted dramatically, and my newfound, forward-thinking mindset may be what is allowing me to apply for college today, two years in advance. I am ready to take all opportunities presented, from research positions, to key internships, to participation at clubs on campus. Even the little things, like asking the professor for help after class or attending extra study sessions, I am prepared for what college has to offer.
adil2000   
Feb 21, 2016
Undergraduate / "Fear can be your worst enemy" - help lenghtening/editing essay. 200 more words. [6]

Fear can be your worst enemy.
"Breath in. Breath out," I told myself repeatedly. I looked down but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I may have only been 40 feet in the air but it looked like 400 feet.

Ahead of me lie an open expanse. An open expanse I had to jump across in order to reach the other side. While it was probably only 4 feet long it seemed as if it extended forever. "Surely I was going to die if I jumped into that endless pit," I thought. I spent what seemed like an eternity just staring at what lie ahead of me until I looked back and saw two people waiting behind me. I knew I had to get moving so I mustered up all the courage that I had and took the jump.

"Wait no! I can't jump that far," I thought.
Everything was a blur. I could feel my stomach flip and the whole world turned black. I felt like my mind was spinning in a world of darkness. Then, in an instant, I opened up my eyes and looked down. I was hanging in mid-air about 35 feet off the ground thanks to my safety harness. Soon enough I was being pulled back up to the ropes course by the climber behind me.

I didn't commit to my actions. Filled with fear, I hesitated at the last second, and looking back that is what kept me from making it across. It may not be the most life-changing experience, but that instant definitely helped shape my character for years to come. In that flash I learned an important lesson-to be adventurous, because often times fear is the only thing holding one back. Since then, I've been much more willing to take a chance on life, and try new things. From trying out the ghost pepper infused "Fiery Ghost Style Tavern Double" on a dare from my friends at Red Robin to starting the risky sleeper pick in Fantasy Football, adventure has been one of my life's mottos. It might even be what is bringing me to write this essay and apply for early entrance into college today.
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