Writing Feedback / Raising a company productivity through promotions - basing on a performance or on the seniority? [3]

Hi @vinusi, you could have done a better job of discussing the matter related to promotions based on seniority or performance platform.
First of all, in my opinions, your paraphrasing sentences is quite simple and not really accurate. Personally, I could write this one as follows:
"In some organizations, there have been two ways based on seniority or performance to promote employees for their contributions to the company, but these generate a controversy in the midst of two viewpoints".

Then you have to answer the questions of this topic in introduction passage: "Then indicate which position you think is best and why".
"midst of two viewpoints...Personally, before getting a higher position, the employees have to experience working hours long enough and demonstrate their competence to managers from fair level or higher. But the most crucial element is still performance dedicating profit for that firm."

In the first detail block, you should demonstrate the advantages of promotion based on seniority instead of giving its drawbacks. It does not focus on the requirement of the topic.

all for now, but i think you should use more academic words to rise up their band score.
Thanks