1st application letter for Life information science

Dear Prof XXX,

I would like to express my keen interest in XXX University, particularly in the master program in life information science, and my sincere gratitude for your consideration of my application. Fascinated by the mechanism by which brain functions and the importance of it, I am eager to devote myself to this subject with a specific interest in functional brain studies, deep research and further development of practical application of this science.

In 2001, I went to University of XXX, one of the nation's key universities and one of seven key universities in national defense since 1960s, electronic engineering (EE) of which is one of the national key disciplines, and for a long time ranks in the top list nationally. My major is microelectronic engineering, a sub-discipline of electronic engineering. I completed my academic studies in school of Microelectronics and Solid-state electronics and got my bachelor degree with two scholarships in 1st and 2nd academic year respectively.

After graduation, I signed my first job contract at XXX, a high-tech research institute, which specialises in the research and design of aerospace-specific integrated circuits. I had led a digital circuit design team, which improved my leadership skills and broadened my overall view. I had also worked as part of an analog circuit research team, which needed plenty of information searching and reading. My work experience gave me a valuable insight to scientific research and confirmed that information science is a degree that I will thoroughly enjoy.

Additionally, good use of computer not only helps in efficient scholar research in the internet but also assists me in winning a logo design competition champion. Furthermore, for expanding my knowledge and enhancing language skills especially in international communication, I took part in TOEIC test with a score of 790.

It would be a great honor for me if given an opportunity to pursue further studies at your highly esteemed university.

Look forward to your kindly reply.

Yours sincerely,
Ryan

Dear Ryan, I think there are following mistakes in your essay. sure Kevin or one of the forum moderator will give you great help and ideas!


Its importance


I think it's better to use another word instead of Key such as recognized. national is not better than nation? or you can write:

one of the recognized national universities among top seven universities...





It is a great honor for me to have this opportunity to pursue further studies at your ...

I am impressed by those first two sentences, and I think all readers will be impressed by them. They are beautifully structured.

I hope you will add a thesis statement to the end of the first paragraph. Add one more sentence... a sentence that tells about the memorable theme that you want to plant in the reader's mind.

Capitalize Internet.

Additionally, good use of the computer not only helps in efficient scholarly research in the internet but also assisted me in winning a logo design competition. --- Do you see the changes I made to this sentence?

This is great! Go back and add a memorable thesis statement that tells about your philosophy of info management. Add it to the end of the first paragraph, and make it something that will help the reader remember you.

:-)