the Architecture program at Tulane University - my Admissions Letter

Hi Im meant to write a letter to a certain university (Tulane University if that helps), but Im finding it extremely hard getting started. I know that I can come up with great ideas and points to write about, but now I just feel like my heads blank, and the deadlines the end of this month.

Anyways this is the instruction for writing the personal statement:
We do ask that you write a personal statement - allowing Tulane to get an idea of who you are beyond your grades, classes and test scores. If there's any information you would like the admission committee to take into consideration when reviewing your application, this is the place for it.

This is what Ive written so far:

I am very interested in applying for the Architecture program at Tulane University.
Currently I am a student at Washington State University, but I do not feel that the university meets my needs, academically and environmentally. And before, I was studying Law in the UK previously, but after great considerations, I have decided to pursue a career in the field of Architecture.

At a very young age, I always found myself playing and building with wooden blocks, Legos or even bigger objects by using whatever I found in the house, such as blankets, sofa cushions and kitchen. I was just simply fascinated by how simple objects can make or effect its surrounding space.

Later when I was in my preteen and early teenage years, I remember sneaking into houses that were being constructed or nearly finished, and look at the interior of the houses to see how the space was arranged from the inside. simply make suggestions to myself on how or what would make the house look better. And I still find myself doing so.

As a Qatari national that has grown up and lived in the United States for 8 years and the UK for 3. I am definitely comfortable in a multicultural environments. I welcome the importance of being exposed to communities outside my own, so as to develop my worldview and tolerance for different cultures and traditions. And Tulane University would certainly provide the perfect atmosphere and inspiration that I would need for growth and self improvement.

I know that I have much more to learn, and with my desire to become a productive member of my community as in Architect, I am fully ready to face whatever challenge that should come my way.

I don't think that you should start by making a general critical statement about Washington State such as "the university meets my needs, academically and environmentally" That immediately turns off the reader and makes it seem like you're blaming someone else for what could be your problem. Even the choice of words - "my needs" makes it sound whiny and self-serving.

Nothing wrong with identifying problems with your current environment - just make sure you make a specific statement about why you are unable to achieve your academic goals at WSU.

Thanks for the suggestions.
Do you think I should replace that whole sentence with but I do not feel the university provides the perfect environment for me or using the word perfect still makes me sound self serving?

No, that is much better. But you must follow it up with a specific well-reasoned argument about (a) what about it doesn't meet your unique needs, and (b) what about Tulane will be different and meet your needs.

Here is what I think the admission officer should remarkably take:


Of course when you are applying for our school, it is your interest, rather than your parental guidance. Not quite a tempting, noteworthy opening yet.


As an admission officer, I do not think that I would let my students go out thinking like that about my school--negative thoughts.


Okay, this is getting a little bit too far from the question--we do not ask for types of consideration nor catalyst of such indifferent sources!


Just now it gets little bit better. And yet again, such details are not separately peculiar or particular--kids should always be fascinated by such toys.


The thrust is downwards going now. Can't even imagine!


Now that was something to be annotated.


Good enough, but do you not get this from other colleges?


Other universities do have such offerings.


...
Personal Comments:
Throughout your post you have been working too hard on explanation, simply not getting your minds to free themselves. Such problems occur, and your work is anything but interesting. And to talk critically, I myself do not think that your reason is firm enough, and your application (other details of your application notwithstanding) adequately tempting. And yet again, if your other application-related progress is well-done, your chance might vary indifferently from 40% to 60%.

---

Edit: Eh, by the way, if you want to do this for real, try to impress the admission officer by a post rather tempting and noteworthy. And if you find it hard to accomplish, then I recommend you not take this challenge.