Bloomberg Sales and Analytic graduate program cover letter

This program offered precisely matches my goal of partaking a career within Bloomberg L.P. I am a broad-minded and an ambitious student currently achieving a distinction average in my Masters of Financial Analysis at the University of New South Wales, where I have completed my Bachelors of Economics. As a result of studies I have demonstrated myself as a self-motivated and a resilient individual.

Taking part in the university's Company Analyst Society (CAS) I have gained analytical skills involved in gathering and presenting research information for the use of stock pitches of companies, thus perfectly aligning my skills to those that this position requires. I have experience working part-time and full-time in the services industry providing me invaluable sales experience and the ability to deal with clients on a daily basis.

My motivations to work with Bloomberg and an attitude of "Get Things Done" believe would help me to thrive through a career at Bloomberg.

Thank you for your consideration and I look forward to hearing from you in the near future.

The way you use the word partake here is not exactly right. You can send like this:... My goal of beginning a career with...

In this sentence you don't need the word "and":
I am a broad-minded and an ambitious student ...
I do like the way you worded the sentence, but one problem with it is that it is an unsubstantiated claim! Maybe you could add another sentence to this paragraph to show what makes your talent our interest exactly right for Bloomberg.

As a result of studies I have demonstrated myself that I am a...
or
As a result of studies I have proven myself as a...

I gave some advice about grammar, but the most important advice is about content. I think this letter might be more impressive if you talk about some recent events pertaining to Bloomberg. Showing familiarity with the program is a way of proving to the reader that you are truly motivated and not exaggerating.

: )

Thanks for advice! I will have to edit a whole bunch! Hopefully I will have a great cover letter after this.

Thanks!!