Congressman, Denny Rehberg,
It is with great honor to have the opportunity speak to you for this matter. My interests and involvement with the military has encumbered my life and way of thinking. My interest in the military academies began when my seventh grade secretary pulled me aside after I had blabbered on about the military, my plans and dreams. She pointed out what I thought to be the most beautiful academy and campus I had ever seen. This campus, obviously, is the United State Air Force Academy in Colorado. She then continued talking about the programs that the USAFA gave and the rank and honor that I would receive upon graduation. I had always wanted to join the military. However, it was the "How am I going to get there?" part that was perplexing. My father has been a great supporter in this matter. He has pushed me to get involved with the community and to strengthen my leadership skills. He would know better because my father has served in two military branches, the Army and the Navy. My mother has a very patriotic sense about her. Even though she would rather not have her child serving in a dangerous environment, she would be supportive in every way for she would join in a heartbeat if she were called into duty. My desire to serve this great nation and to attain the rank of a military officer has decided my future. Day to day, I surround myself with civic duties and intellectual challenges. I live by an honor code of Integrity First, Service Before Self, and Excellence in All We Do. I believe that all young American adults should abide by this standard. The difference between me and other applicants is that my desire to serve in the military was not thrust upon me by another person. My want to attend a USMA is from the heart. It was not a decision from my parents, or a teacher, or a coach in that matter. Though my elders have helped me with making choices and learning about academies, it is I who must make that decision.
In my everyday life, I deal with high-stress situation. As an involved student and citizen in the community, my days would be overwhelming to the average person. In school I balanced outstanding grades with school activities and organizations. After school, I use my medical training to access athletes and their injuries. I also organize a Spanish Club. This year, we managed to raise over one-thousand dollars that went to charities for kids and families all across the world. I am part of a volunteer group within the school as well. We do whatever we can to help the community. Outside of the school, I am an advanced Martial Artist. I devote myself to the art and way of life. I compete against other top-ranking students within the western region.
As one can see, my life is very complex. However, they can comprehend that I am a great leader with moral character. Unlike other students, my work ethic is very different. I will more than likely exceed the requirements and I will improve anything I can. I believe than I can obtain the necessary tools to be successful in life through the military academy. I also believe that this choice will not be easy. These four years of the Academy life will be demanding and challenging. They will test the weakest points and will strengthen those flaws I contain. Nevertheless, those four years will shape me as a person and will be the most memorable years of my life.
Sincerely,
Monica Wells
It is with great honor ---Ah, I think this is kind of a cliche.
My interests and involvement with the military has have encumbered my...
...an advanced Martial Artist. ----- it's not necessary to capitalize martial artist.
... that I am a great leader with moral character. ----- a very confident one, too!
I will more than likely exceed the requirements and I will improve anything I can.----Great enthusiasm and confidence. The essay is well-written, and the impressive part is your great attitude toward service, but this does not have any concept... no theme or message other than the message that you are ready to work hard and excel. But what about your philosophy, your intentions for perhaps changing what needs to be changed. What have you been reading lately? I gues my best advice it to try to balance this enthusiasm with some specific statements about your interests and intentions. What will be your specialization?
:-)
