My goal is also to find a part time job ; Introduction of Myself

To whom it may concern,
My name is -----------, I am a grade 12 student of ---------------- school. I took English 11 and successfully completed it last year with a mark of 70% ( C+). I wish to complete English 12 online successfully and achieve a mark of 80% (B) by the end of the course. I want to complete English 12 by the end of May so that way I would have sufficient amount of time to prepare for all my final exams as well as English Provincial exam that I am going to be writing. (91)

English 12 is the last course that I need to satisfy BC graduation requirements. My current plans for post secondary education is to go to Vancouver Community Collage (VCC) and complete Nursing Unit Clerk program which is about one year long. My goal is also to find a part time job that will assist me in my collage tuition fees. After completing my program I would like to work in a hospital and gain knowledge about other fields related to nursing and slowly build up my career. (84)

( I did not post last paragraph as I was just supposed to ask questions in that paragraph)

Dear Rock1,

The point of a cover letter to send to employers (which this is), is not only to introduce yourself but also to show how you would fit into qualities the employer would want in an employee. Here you discuss your marks in English, for example, but really these are not necessarily important in a cover letter. A good cover letter should consist of skills you can provide that match the job description (for example if they ask for someone with knowledge of how a cash register works, you could talk about your past experience in retail).

Also, beware of sentences like this: "My goal is also to find a part time job that will assist me in my collage tuition fees. " NEVER tell the employer that you are seeking a position so that you will get paid. Imagine if you are a manager trying to run a good business and all you emplyees are so dispassionate about their jobs that all they care about is getting paid. I would suggest you talk about how you enjoy working that particular job and the challenges it offers, but NEVER how you like getting paid and what you are going to do with the money.

Overall, I would suggest that instead of a catch-all cover letter like you have now that you will send to all potential employers, write a different cover letter to each employer, highlighting how you will excel at what THEY need. Best of luck in your job search Rock1!

Hi Dr cool,

Sorry for the misunderstanding this is not a cover letter. I was supposed to introduce myself using 300 words to my english 12 teacher....I just wanted to get a feedback on my writing or any grammer errors or sentence structure. Thank you for still helping me...:)

Oh ok, sorry about that :)
Here I've made some corrections in blue that I think you might appreciate (Your original writing is in parenthesis):

To whom it may concern,
My name is -----------, I am a grade 12 student (of)at ---------------- school. I took English 11 and successfully completed it last year with a mark of 70% ( C+). (I wish) My goal is to complete English 12 online successfully and achieve a mark of 80% (B) by the end of the course. I want to complete English 12 by the end of May so that (way) delete "way" I would have a sufficient amount of time to prepare for all my final exams as well as the English Provincial exam that I am going to be writing. (91)

English 12 is the last course that I need to satisfy BC graduation requirements. My current plans for post secondary education is to go to Vancouver Community Collage (VCC) and complete the Nursing Unit Clerk program which is about one year long. My goal is (also to) to also find a part time job that will assist me in my (collage) college tuition fees. After completing my program I would like to work in a hospital and gain knowledge about other fields related to nursing and slowly build up my career. (84)