Is This a Good Motivation Letter ? to Master Program Transport and Geinformation Technology at KTH

Please review and advice about this Motivation Letter ? I need to reduce this words count from 600 to 500 words as requirements of application. Please advice which part that I can to remove ?

Dear Sir or Madam,

For nearly 30 years, Jakarta has been my home-a city that has shaped both my life and career. While transportation is meant to enhance mobility, in Jakarta, it has become my daily source of frustration. The government's plan to relocate Indonesia's capital city to alleviate Jakarta's notorious traffic, raises a critical question in my mind: Can relocating a capital city solve the deeper challenges of transportation, or do we only need smarter and more sustainable systems? This challenge has driven my professional journey and passion for geoinformation technology, leading me to pursue the promising master's program in Transportation and Geoinformation Technology at KTH.

My journey began by joining a research organization with a degree in Forestry Engineering, where I developed a passion for biodiversity conservation, especially safeguarding the Komodo dragon. Working with geospatial remote sensing, routing networks and spatial-temporal analytics, I uncovered how roads infrastructure as consequences of human expansion were shrinking and fragmenting Komodo dragon habitats, leading to increased roadkill incidents. These crucial findings were featured as key recommendations in the national strategic conservation plan for the Komodo dragon (2020 - 2030), endorsed by the Ministry of Environment and Forestry. This firsthand experience made me realize the urgent need for sustainable solutions. It also sparked a deeper passion in me to continue exploring advanced geospatial analysis, with a clear goal of developing solutions that minimize environmental impact while meeting the infrastructure needs of growing regions.

My journey in geoinformation technology took a significant turn when I joined Esri Indonesia, a global leader in geospatial software. One of my most pivotal experiences was collaborating with The Naval Hydro-Oceanography Center and the Ministry of Transportation to enhance maritime safety and sustainability transportation. This opportunity ignited my passion for using geoinformation technology to solve real-world challenges. By leveraging real-time vessel movement data from the Automatic Identification System (AIS) and employing big data and geo-artificial intelligence on the ArcGIS platform, I effectively analyzed traffic patterns. Additionally, integrating remote sensing data as environmental variables of the Coral Triangle reefs allowed me to identify critical areas were vessel traffic overlaps with biodiversity hotspots. This finding was highly critical for Navy organizations to prioritize areas that require charting updates for navigation maps services that promote safety and environmental stewardship. This journey made me realize the vital interplay between transportation efficiency and ecological preservation, reinforcing my commitment to continuously developing innovative geospatial solutions that prioritize both efficiency and sustainability.

The more I immerse myself in developing geospatial solutions, the more passionate I become about advancing my expertise in geoinformation technology. My daily experiences with the challenges of Jakarta's traffic, along with the future development of Indonesia's new capital city, drive my desire to learn and innovate. To tackle these issues effectively, I am eager to pursue an education that offers a systems-based approach to managing the complexities of transport infrastructure, while incorporating sustainability practices that consider socio-economic, environmental, and ecological factors. This is why KTH's master's program in Transport and Geoinformation Technology stands out as the perfect next step in my journey.

In addition, Sweden's globally recognized leadership in innovation and sustainability, demonstrated through real-world success stories, offers me invaluable learning experiences. By combining these valuable experiences, I am confident that I will develop the tools and knowledge needed to tackle Indonesia's transportation challenges. With this blend of expertise and advanced education, I am eager to contribute to Indonesia's transportation development in wider career opportunities (e.g. as consultant, researcher, and engineer at private or national government authorities)-with specific ambition in ensuring that the Indonesia capital relocation will result in a long-lasting transport infrastructure that balances both efficiency and sustainability in many aspects.

Sincerely,
Muhammad Azmi

Do not approach this as a personal statement. It is also not a professional biography. Both are present in this essay, which nullifies it as a motivational letter. You are not entirely focused on proving the need for your expertise in this field in relation to your chosen masters course. Your other experiences appear irrelevant since you are not connecting it to the traffic situation that triggered your interest in this field. So the motivation aspect is lost. You are not to discuss your experiences here if they cannot act as additional motivational triggers or targets for your advanced studies. I would write a more attuned motivational letter rather than trying to fix the presentation and information contained in this version.

Thanks for your review @Holt

I have written another version based on your valuable comments. Do you think this version is better than the previous one? Which parts do you think still need improvement?

Dear Admissions Committee,

As a geospatial expert working with Esri Indonesia, I have experienced firsthand the transformative power of geoinformation technology in addressing transportation challenges. My professional journey has centered on creating innovative geospatial solutions that optimize traffic flow and improve public transportation systems, ultimately contributing to more sustainable and efficient urban mobility in Indonesia. Now, I am eager to deepen my expertise and broaden my impact by pursuing the Master's Program in Transportation and Geoinformation Technology at KTH Royal Institute of Technology, a renowned institution for its commitment to advancing sustainable transport solutions.

One pivotal moment in my career came while addressing the chronic traffic congestion in Jakarta, a city infamous for its gridlocked streets and pollution. Tasked with optimizing traffic flow, I led a team that implemented real-time traffic monitoring systems by integrating cctv devices, vehicle sensors, and spatial data. By analyzing congestion patterns and developing route optimization models, we successfully reduced traffic bottlenecks in key areas. This not only alleviated travel times but also significantly lowered vehicle emissions by reducing idle time, aligning our efforts with sustainability goals.

Another rewarding project involved the design and optimization of public transportation systems for several Indonesian cities. Using GIS tools, we analyzed population density, land use, and transportation demand to create more efficient bus routes and improve accessibility in underserved areas. These solutions helped reduce dependence on private vehicles, promoting the use of public transportation and reducing carbon footprints. Through these projects, I learned the critical role that geospatial technologies play in solving real-world transportation challenges, and I am excited about the opportunity to advance my knowledge at KTH.

I am highly motivated to pursue the Master's Program in Transportation and Geoinformation Technology at KTH because I believe it will equip me with the advanced skills and theoretical foundation to address the complex transportation issues facing Indonesia and other developing countries. KTH's innovative approach to integrating transport systems and geoinformation aligns perfectly with my career goals. The program's focus on sustainable solutions resonates deeply with my passion for creating transportation systems that not only meet present needs but also preserve the environment for future generations.

By joining this program, I aim to refine my technical skills and develop a more profound understanding of transportation engineering principles, which will enable me to contribute to Indonesia's ongoing efforts to build a more sustainable and efficient transportation network. My long-term ambition is to apply the knowledge gained at KTH to lead large-scale transportation projects in Indonesia, ensuring that urban mobility systems are resilient, sustainable, and beneficial to both people and the environment.

Thank you for considering my application. I am confident that KTH's Master's Program in Transportation and Geoinformation Technology will provide the ideal platform for me to expand my expertise and make a meaningful impact on global transportation challenges.

Sincerely,
Azmi