"Hectic visit" - Write a letter to your friend.

letter to a friend about holiday plans

Recently you visited an elderly relative for a week's holiday. After the visit, you decide to write a letter to a friend about your holiday. Your letter should be between 150-200 words long. Do not write an address.

Essay:-

Dear Zoya,

How are you? Hope everything is fine at your end. Recently, I visited my grandmother and stayed with her for a week. My grandmother is kind and treats me well. During my visit a minor problem occurred.

I was baking some of my grandmother's favorite cookies. While they were baking I went to my room to listen to a few songs. I had completely forgotten about the cookies and by the time I realized the kitchen was filled with smoke. Luckily, the fire did not travel anywhere. My grandmother was out so, I cleaned up the mess. Everything was in its place by the time my grandmother came back.

I did not want to tell her about what happened but I did not want to hide it either. In the end, I told her about what happened. She did not get mad at me instead she was happy that I did not hide it from her though I got quite a bit of scolding afterwards on my lack of responsibility.

The visit was hectic but somehow I still enjoyed it to its maximum.

Your best friend,
Hafsa Javed,
30th April, 2020

The letter is not as friendly as it would seem. You need to be less formal and more casual in this type of writing. Write the letter to an actual friend. Balance the content. By balancing the content, I mean you should have portrayed a fun activity, the almost mishap, and, if possible, a hectic activity. You did say that the visit was fun but in the end you said it was hectic. Which means, the visit was not so enjoyable. So the letter does not really represent all the activities you claimed to have had.

You should have used a comma to add a pause before continuing the statement:

While they were baking , I went to my room...

along with:

... about what happened , but I...

Let's not forget the adverbials that require a comma as well:

During my visit , a minor...

In this essay, the lesson you should learn is about how to properly use a comma. The instances when you need to use a comma in this presentation are:

- When you are talking about two separate but related sets of actions (While baking,,,)

- When using a conjunction (... what happened , but I...)

- When using adverbials ( During my visit, a minor...)

The letter itself meets the requirements of the prompt as far as I can tell. It could have better content, but then again, you are not being scored on the story you are telling but how you told the story instead. You used enough words to give the examiner a clearer understanding of how you express yourself in English. You explained yourself in the letter in a simple but clear manner, which can only be good for your final score.

@Holt
For the part where you said that I did not represent all activities, I did not type it but the assignment given was to tell about an accident during your visit. That is the reason why I did not mention anything but the accident. Thank you for the feedback though.

Dear Zoya,

I hope everything is ...

... cookies, while they ...
I realized the kitchen was filled with smoke
... was out, so I cleaned up ...
... in its place, by the time ...

... happened, but I did not want to ...
... at me instead, she was happy ...

I think you need to consider some punctuation in compound/complex sentences and passive voice misuse. I hope my suggests will be useful.

@Luana
Thank you for pointing out my mistakes but I think you were wrong when you wrote that I should cut 'was' from my second paragraph third line.

I think you also have to tell about something that makes you also enjoy during your holiday.
And you can also ask the person about they holiday.