Hello, I am a 22 year old trying to get back into Davis. I was wondering if this forum could offer some advice for improving or remarks related to my essay. I am trying to get in to UC Davis after being gone a year and I hope that this will be a great opportunity for me to return. If anyone has any questions related to my essay or myself, I will gladly answer them.
Thank you,
atreyu1
Here is my essay:
Dear admissions staff:
I am writing to you because I wish to attend UC Davis as an undergrad engineer for the Spring 2013 quarter. I was dismissed at the start of Winter Quarter 2012 and I have come a long way since that time. The poor performance I had, previously, has helped me shape into not only a better person, but also a proficient student.
Prior to my dismissal, I had terrible priorities which left my education at the bottom. I focused on work, myself and others who had no benefit to my educational pursuit. This was because of my unpreparedness for learning and my lack of will. I let my grades slip which was my fault entirely. I ignored my studies and believed that college would be similar to high school where good grades were easy to come by. After realizing I was on academic probation, I was quick to fix the problem. I thought it was my last worry and I didn't have to worry about much else. This lead to me being put on academic dismissal and failing the appeal.
After being dismissed for my academic performance, I began to meet with an adviser. He advised me on a few important details about myself. "What was important to me? What did I do wrong or what do I want out of life? Is Davis what I want to do?" are all questions he wanted me to focus on. I took Winter and part of Spring Quarter to realize the most important quality to myself is an education. It was my fault for letting my grades drop, but realizing an education was important made me eager to get back into UC Davis. I believe having an education is important for succeeding in my life with what I want to do and what I want to be is an engineer.
With his's help, I have been able to have an appreciation of academics and to figure out what I wanted to do. With this help, I took classes at Los Rios community college that at first interested me and then classes related to engineering. his help has not only given me that motivation to find what I wanted to do, but also the discipline to stay focused and to put my education first. Since I have last talked to him, I have become a better person and a proficient student. I have focus for my studies and also for disciplined to follow a course, but also to better manage my time to put school first and the rest later.
With better time management, I have done exceedingly well at Los Rios Community College. Also I have learned to appreciate the importance of accomplishing my goals to achieve what I want to do in life. This developed and concrete structure that I have given myself has helped me conquer classes in a systematic and focused approach of studying and reviewing of material. I strongly believe that I can not only return to Davis, but also achieve in every aspect of my college life.
Upon returning to UC Davis, I strongly believe I have shaped myself to become a superb student for UC Davis. I have realized my importance and also what I have done wrong. This gave me the time I needed to focus on myself and better myself with time management and motivation. I know of the mistakes I have made in the past and I know that with my new focus, I will not deviate again. I have without a doubt that I will not only succeed, but also have an exceptional performance at UC Davis. With my experiences I believe I am ready to return, and I ask to be considered for readmission at UC Davis. Thank you for your time
***Alin is a
I am writing to you because I wish to attend UC Davis as an undergrad engineer for the Spring 2013 quarter.
I am writing this letter to you in hope of receiving acceptance to attend UC Davis undergraduate program in engineering for the Spring 2013 quarter.I was dismissed at the start of Winter Quarter 2012 and I have come a long way since that time. The poor performance I had, previously, has helped me shape into not only a better person, but also a proficient student.
I was dismissed due to poor performance at the beginning of Winter Quarter 2012, but now that I have come a long way since then having myself shaped into a better person and a proficient student.Ok... then you've got time :D ... Many instances when I try to help, they have already finished submission and I'm too late :(
Prior to my dismissal, I had terrible priorities which left my education at the bottom. I focused on work, myself and others who had no benefit to my educational pursuit. This was because of my unpreparedness for learning and my lack of will. I let my grades slip which was my fault entirely. I ignored my studies and believed that college would be similar to high school where good grades were easy to come by.
Prior to my dismissal, I had a wrong set of priorities that kept affecting my education negatively. I focused more on things that did not really benefit my educational pursuit. (I kept the reasons away, because I felt that you don't have to be that descriptive) I believe this was due to my unpreparedness and lack of will for learning at that time. Therefore I did not use my potential at all to improve my poor grades and did not realize the major difference between college and high school where the grade used to come by easily.