Thanks a lot for visiting my little silly essay, be constructive as much as you can! I'll take all the feedbacks from you guys <3
The question: What was your motivation for choosing HAN UAS and the study program selected by you?
What makes you a good candidate for this study program and what will you contribute to your future profession and/or the work field in general?
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am a Truong Chinh schooler in Ninh Thuan, Vietnam writing this letter to apply for the HAN Holland scholarship who is going to be a newcomer majoring in International Business to chase my dream job in the future and the greatest foundation for that is to have a chance to be tutored at HAN university.
Growing up in a normal house with a bookaholic mom, I was lucky to have had thousands of opportunities to learn about the world since I had not been weaned from infancy. For each type of book I have read, especially inspiring books, I am strongly dedicated to emulating the protagonist, like being the pianist, the writer, or the singer. I even hoped that one day I would become the President, just like Barack Obama did after I read his book:" A Promise Land", although I used to aspire to be a president, that dream has since faded. However, the book that inspired me still holds an important place in my heart.
Back to the content, living among these characters has also brought me so much confusion as well as hesitation when someone asked me what I wanted to be or to do when I grew up, I honestly felt lost at that time, and even people when they are nearly at the verge of their lives, most of them still don't know what they have been living for or why they were fighting for their lives so hard. Even so, I considered myself to be one of the luckiest people in the world when I knew what I honestly wanted to be at a very early stage, and it is the reason why I applied for IB in HAN University because I knew that it was the one for me. Regarding business, I find inspiration in my parents who are both businesspeople and currently manage a pig farm. My mother guides me in handling calculations while my father helps me learn how to manage people and ensure the work runs smoothly. As it turned out, a small seed of curiosity about business and the economy has slowly grown within me since then.
Starting as a cosmetic seller in my school at the age of 14, I luckily got a chance to know how the business chain works through my transaction with the agency even though my "business" did not go so well. Thus, I had to stop it due to a lack of revenue to cover the COGS. Not unfazed by my failure, the seed was growing even more rapidly over time, and I collided with many other fields of business, such as being a volunteer retailer at a local market in my place (90 percent of the goods were sold out at that time). Seeing my potential in the financial field, I got invested in studying in the Netherlands by my dearest parents as Dutch Education was designated one of the top ten countries that provides top-quality education in the world. Consequently, it is an undoubtedly clear choice to study IB at HAN University, pointing out that this will supply a strong foundation to boost my abilities, desires, and future career to higher levels. HAN offers a Practice-Based Learning course that caters to individuals with difficulty maintaining focus and retaining information by providing opportunities to apply theory in practical situations because "experience is the best teacher ever". At present, my objective is to return to Vietnam after completing my college education in the Netherlands, furthermore, I plan to take over my parents' business and use the skills I have acquired at HAN University to build it even stouter and stouter. My ambitious and passionate nature is evident in my goals and as a part of vivacious Generation Z, I am extremely eager to enrol in this field, even if I encounter failure along the way. My motto, inspired by John Muir, is to embrace the challenges of life and take a few risks, as he said, "Of all the paths you take in life, make sure a few of them are dirt."
I am so grateful for you taking the time to consider my application among thousands of potential candidates. I truly believe that my experience and education would make me a valuable asset to your university, and I am fully prepared to be a part of the HAN-er community.
Best regards,
Linh Nguyen Ngoc Thuy
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 The opening paragraph is a confusing run-on sentence. It is not advisable to have such a long and confusing introduction. You should consider Avoiding that extremely long presentation and just responding to the questions directly, working in a quick introduction somewhere in the first sentence. Avoid confusing the reader. Your first 3 paragraphs are actually prompt deviations that do not help to move the essay forward. It does not connect to the provided questions and therefore, does not inform the reviewer in the manner that is required. You can safely remove those paragraphs from this presentation without affecting the remaining sections. Tighten your discussion of the remaining paragraphs so that you will better respond to the prompt requirements.
