Motivation Letter - UN4MUN South East Asia Conference

I already submitted this to meet the deadline, but since motivation letters are frequently requested, I figure I'd get some feedback from you guys to improve my writing for future applications.

MOTIVATION LETTER

Introduce yourself, and tell the organizers about your interest in their conference.

Dear USEAC 2018 Secretariat,
My name is Tran Minh Chau (Joanna Tran), I am from Hue, Vietnam. Through this letter, I would like to express my great desire to join the UN4MUN South East Asia Conference 2018.

I am a 17-year-old student in the small city of Huế, Vietnam. For the longest I can remember, I have always considered myself unbound by the quietness and reservedness of the land I was born in: I am always in the search for new opportunities to develop myself and work for my purposes. I am fascinated by the prospects of overcoming new challenges, of accomplishing my own goals, and applying what I learned to benefit my community. I have ambitions of changing not only myself, but also my hometown, whose problems its people have grown familiar with. I am driven, determined, and have well-defined purposes for everything I do. These qualities allow me to expect excellent outcomes of my work.

I attended my first Model UN conference last year, and I remember falling in love with the experience immediately. Model UN turned out not to be what I expected: the atmosphere was not that of a competition, but rather a progressive community where everyone was trying to bring out the best of themselves, where everyone cared about and worked for greater purposes beyond themselves. It was a community I would choose to belong to, and I long to return to. Therefore, I hope to be offered the opportunity of joining USEAC 2018, and bringing out the best of my potentials to contribute to the conference.

USEAC 2018 would be a whole new challenge for me. Unlike my last conference, USEAC employs the UN4MUN procedure, which up to now remains unfamiliar to me and many of my fellow attenders. However, instead of being intimidated by such unfamiliarity, I would be thrilled to experience the current most accurate conference procedure, which emphasizes mutual consensus instead of favoring the majority like other procedures. The procedure would require me to brush up my diplomatic skills, and to hold a more macroscopic view on matters. I expect to walk out of the conference venue a different person, with my skills enhanced and my horizon expanded.

All things considered, I would very much appreciate the opportunity to join USEAC 2018. Should I be given such opportunity, I promise to attend the conference with passion and goodwill.

Thank you for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response.
Yours sincerely,
Tran Minh Chau.

Joanna, you don't seem to understand what the requirements of a motivation letter are. You are not supposed to give a run down of your biography. Neither are you supposed to discuss work experiences here. Instead, there is only one question that needs to be responded to in as little as 3 paragraphs, "What motivates your interest in this course?" Follow up information can be provided by also indicating "What drives your interest to enroll in our university?" Both should be completed within a summarized manner since the motivation letter is just an overview of the information of your personal statement and statement of purpose.

In this letter, your motivation is not really clear. You spent too much time discussing your related background that the actual motivation you have, or your true interests were sidelined. A motivation letter is not about skills. It isn't about experiences. It is about your mindset and your desire to make a change in the field. That is what should be reflected in the motivation letter.

@Holt Thank you very much for the feedback, I'll definitely keep it in mind.