'School of Science application is unsuccessful' - Need Advices for Appeal Letter

Hi, seniors, I am an international applicant applying for admission into NUS Science, but got rejected a few days ago. Currently, I am writing an appeal letter. I think that I am qualified to be admitted into NUS Science course. However, I have no idea on how to write a good appeal letter to convince the admission committee. Below is my appeal letter. Could you give me some advices? I really appreciate for what you do for me!!

I was disappointed to find out that my application to School of Science is unsuccessful, since I personally think that I should have been offered a place to persuade my studies in biological sciences based on my A level results. Being admitted into NUS is so important to me since the things I learn from NUS are essential parts to fulfil my mission. If I can be admitted to school of sciences, under the guidance of the knowledgeable professors in NUS, I will study hard so that I can graduate with a first class honour. After graduation, I will be equipped with necessary skills to complete my master degree and a doctoral degree, with which I would be able to get in the field of research and would be able to achieve results that would make a difference to the world. I sincerely hope that you can give me the chance to pursue study in NUS. Thank you very much for taking your time to re-evaluate my application.

P.S. There is a limitation of 1000 characters for the appeal letter

See, First of all, the reason why you didnt get through is probably because of your english, and the improper grammar. How much did you score on your SAT?

Anyways, I'm editing the thing for you.

I was disappointed to find out that my application to School of Science WAS unsuccessful, since I personally think that I should have been offered a place to persuade(Dude, its Pursue, not persuade :p) my studies in biological sciences based on my A level( Level A, not A level) results. ..., see they dont care about what you think. You cant use phrases like "I want this, I want that." You have to be more professional. I sincerely hope that you can give me the chance to pursue study in NUS. Thank you very much for taking your time to re-evaluate my application.(You dont have to thank them, its their job)

A better line would have been "I hope that you would reconsider my application and counter your decision. Thanking you in anticipation"
Your's sincerely
Aayushi

Mahir is totally right. You should talk about your professional qualities rather than feelings. Try to avoid big phrases like "change the world" and so forth. Be more precise and realistic about potential assets of your desired education.

Hope this helps.

Thank you guys for your input. I have decided to write a completely new appeal.