Write a letter to the person who gave you a great deal of help when you were away.

Hi guys. This is the first time I've used EssayForum and I'm also preparing for my IELTS writitng test. Therefore, I hope to get useful feedback on my essay from you guys. Thanks!

The prompt is:
You have just come back from San Fransico. When you were there, your friend Mr.Jack son gave you a great deal of help.

Write to Mr.Jackson to thank him for his hospitality and help

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Dear Mr. Jackson,
I'm writing this letter to express my sincere thanks to give me a great deal of help when I were in San Fransico.
Though we've been close neighbours for many years, this was the first time I had had you done me a favor when I were away. During my stay, you helped me a lots and showed your hospitality that I very appreciated. You were the housekeeper for me , fed to my dogs , watered the garden ... . Without you, I couldn't handle my stuffs well. Therefore, my work in the city had panned out nicely and I also had a wonderful time there.

My wife and I were very much grateful to you for a great deal of help. Please accept my thanks for everything you've done for me. If you need anything in your stuffs, let me know. Again with my thanks for your hospitality.

Yours sincerely,
Quoc Vinh

Your grammar is totally confusing and does not properly reflect the discussion as required. The letter you wrote often wanders from the actual discussion topic, which you seem to have misunderstood. Let me clarify the instruction for you.

Mr. Jackson hosted your stay in San Francisco. That means, you were with him there. However, in your letter, you indicated a confusing phrase. "I had you done me a favor when I were away." That reference, aside from being incorrectly structured, also offers the information that Mr. Jackson was not with you during this time, which was not the case. That sentence should not be in this letter. In fact, your letter is totally incorrect. Note the following explanation in the instruction:

You have just come back from San Francisco. When you were there, Mr. Jackson gave you a great deal of help.

The key phrase here is "When you were there", referring to the time you were in San Francisco, where Mr. Jackson hosted you. Hence the letter is incorrect in content. In this letter you are saying that Mr. Jackson is your neighbor at home instead of someone who helped you when you were in San Francisco. You did not understand the instructions and the information that was to be placed in the letter. This is not a letter that will get a passing score because it shows your lack of English comprehension skills and inability to write coherently in English.

Try to restructure your grammar please!