IELTS = Letter writing; Sharing room with another student

HI,

I am preparing for IELTS and hence need feedback on the below letter,in terms of content and grammar:

Topic:
You live in a room in college which you share with another student. However, there are many problems with this arrangement and you find it very difficult to work.

Write a letter to the accommodation officer at the college. In the letter,
- describe the situation
- explain your problems and why it is difficult to work
- say what kind of accommodation you would prefer

Answer:
Dear Sir/Madam,
I am writing in regard to my current college accommodation. I am a second year student of computers.
Presently, I share a room with a third year student of electronics and am facing some challenges.The room allocated to us is relatively smaller than other rooms, leaving space only for two beds and a single drawer,book-shelf and study table to be shared between two of us. As we both borrow books of different streams from the library, many a time there is not enough space on the table for all books to be accommodated and we retain them in our bags itself.

Also,as we belong to varied subject groups,our study circles and patterns differ. Although we do have interesting discussions on how computers and electronics complementary, at times we get into subjective discussions,based on course content and quality, which may not always be productive.

Hence, I request you to pair me with a fellow student, specializing in computers. This will help reduce my current issues and also help me have a room-mate with whom I can resolve subject-matter queries.

I look forward to your positive response and a subsequent allocation of a new room and room-mate.
Yours faithfully,
AR

I am writing inwith regard to my current college accommodation in college.


You should have introduced yourself before you told the purpose of your letter.


I am ?????(your name), a second year undergraduate attached to the Science faculty. My purpose of writing this letter to you is to seek your assistance regarding an issue that I encounter with regard to accommodation.

Further, we belong to different subject groups and therefore our study circles and patterns differ. Although we share some common interests, this issue has created much incompatibility between us as room mates who spend a lot of time together. It is affecting our studies in a negative manner because we do not have support from each other for our academics.

Always make sure that your reason is supported with a good example. That's the best way to convince the reader :)