Dear Mien,
I'm glad to write letter to you.Today, I am going to tell you about my memorable past experience.It happened when I was at secondary school.I dropped out to go out with my friends.Finally, my parents knew that because my teacher called them to inform my absence.Dropping out of mine made them very sad and disapointed.When I went home, my parents offered me to sit down and asked me some questions.I was so anxious about answering their questions.They were angry with me and charged me.Since then, I have really been mature having clear thought before acting.And I was embrassed about that.The experience makes me more mature and let me know how important studying is.
Nguyen, this is supposed to be a personal letter that relates a past experience. By definition, the letter should have more information that it currently indicates. The content of your letter are mere previews of what happened to you instead of a complete recollection of the past experience. I suggest that you further expand upon the content of the essay.
Begin with relating more about why you decided to skip school that day. Do not use the term "drop out" of school because to "drop out" of school means to stop going to school. While "skipping school" means that you only decided to not go to school for one day. Relate the circumstances that led to your decision to skip school and spend the day with your friends. Describe the activities that you enjoyed that day.
Follow up with the story about the negative effects of your actions and how the call the school made to your parents resulted in a punishment for you. I do not believe that you should use the term "charged me" in relation to your parents scolding you and quite possibly punishing you by grounding you for your actions. Try to revise the sentence in order to create a clearer picture of how your parents dealt with your actions that day.
Now, about the latter part of your letter that talks about how you matured after that event. I believe that it would have more impact upon the reader if you place that at the beginning of the letter. It would really make an excellent hook for this letter if you said something like "Dear... I heard that you skipped school today and got into trouble with your parents. Let me tell you that I had the same experience not too long ago and..." That way you create a personal connection with the reader. You can write a new concluding paragraph to take its place.
Don't get me wrong, the content of the letter is good. It just needs to be reformatted and revised in order to be more relevant to the expectations of the reader. I hope this helps.
@ vangiedpen: I'm gald to recieve your helping.Thanks you do much! I will revise it ^^
Nguyen, I'd like to commend you for taking another shot at writing the letter. It is actually an improvement over your first version. However, it still needs a lot more work. Tell you what I'll do for you. I'll write a sample of this letter for you here. I want you to use it as an example or basis for writing your third version of the letter. I think the reason that you are getting lost regarding the content and focus of the letter while writing it is because you were not shown a sample before the writing exercise was given. So let me give you a sample for your reference now.
Dear Mien,
I heard that you were not able to come to my party yesterday because your parents grounded you for skipping school. I want to let you know that it is alright and I understand what happened to you. Let me let you in on a secret, I have also been grounded by my parents because I skipped school last year. I honestly thought that I could get away with it because my dad had dropped me off at school that day and he saw me go to the front door of the school. What he did not know was that my friends were waiting for me behind the bushes and I joined them as soon as my dad's car left. We spent the day playing video games at the mall then caught a movie before we all headed home. Little did I know that my teacher had called my parents when I did not show up for class that day.
When I got home that day, I did not know that my parents already knew that I had skipped school. So I pretended that I had been to school that day. I thought I was wiser than thy were. It was after dinner when my parents asked me to join them in the living room. When I joined them, I saw their serious faces and got a little worried. Then my father asked me to sit down and listen. He told me that my teacher had called my mother at home and my father at the office to look for me. Needless to say, they were very angry with me and did not accept my feeble explanation. They grounded me for a month and took away my gadgets so I could not talk to my "bad influence" friends.
Just like you, I was angry with my parents for what they did. Then, I realized that this was a lesson I had to learn. I needed to learn to be responsible, give value to my promises and words (most specially about going to school), and most of all, I learned that once my parents trust in me was destroyed, it was hard for me to win it back.
Eventually my parents forgave me for what I did and our relationship is fine again. I know that the same thing will happen to you and your parents soon. What I am trying to say is, don't be mad at them. They just want to teach us a lesson. I hope that like me, you learned the lesson they are trying to teach you too.
See you soon my friend,
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Now that you have a clear example of how to write the letter, maybe you will want to use it as a basis for your next version. Use my version as your guide. It should make writing the revised version much easier for you :-) Remember, your letter will be most effective if you can:
1. Make some personal contact with the reader.
2. Impart a lesson learned from the experience.
3. Encourage the person to follow your example in terms of repentance.
Those are the 3 points that you should make based upon the requirements of the experience that you want to talk about in your letter. The points will change or vary depending upon the kind of experience that you are sharing with your friend.
The experience has made makes me more mature. When I was at hormone age a teen, I was very stubborn about every thing everything.I didn't care about studying, and I skipped school to go out with my friends.
I'd work on fixing your grammar, punctuation. Good luck!
I'm so happy when reading your reply.There is no words to express my feeling now.Thanks ^^
Dear,
Suggest to follow letter writing standard, in this way your writing will more structured and standard.
Date:
Dear ...,
Introduction (not more than 25 words)
First Main Parts (between 50 to 60 words)
Second Main parts (between 50 to 60 words)
Concluding comments(not more than 25 words)
Best Wishes,
....
