"Desire" - (imperfect sonnet)

Quiet are the eyes of man seeking moon
Quenching starfire out of necessity
Look through the lips of an inside joke, soon
The playwright finds it better not to be

Gravity is seen as something inane
Diminishing all dreams of upward flight
Religion is wormfood; the scions of Cain
Rapture in ecstasies of self-made blight

September will not end on a cheerful note
Jingoists and taxmen by greed accost
'Crusade is final.' Heroic men devote
to ash, while rust marks astronomer's loss

by Hell, the Furies, or by Sandman's kiss
and in truth the moon perceives naught amiss

The ninth and eleventh line have eleven syllables. Can't seem to get around it. And of course accost/loss aren't real rhymes. And the stresses are probably off a bazillion places. But it's really for a class, so I guess content criticism will be the most useful. THANKS!

i really enjoy your poem.
it gives the reader a lot to think about..so actually i would leave it as it is.
i especially like your second paragraph because it really shows the conflict between desire and "rules"
so good job!