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"the desire for "the outside world" - family experience, history U of Washington


rexarski 1 / -  
Dec 8, 2010   #1
Discuss how your family's experience or cultural history enriched you or presented you with opportunities or challenges in pursuing your educational goals.

here is my essay. i just revised my ucb essay a little bit.

I have a dream´╝Üone day I will be able to see the outside world with my own eyes.
In my childhood, due to my poor health, I had to stay in a ward for the most of time in a year . To make the hospital stay a bit easier, my parents always read story books to me and I was always interested in the characters' fate, and kept asking them the same question "Where did they go at last?" My parents apparently didn't know how to answer this question, so they just told me "They went to the outside world." After hearing the answer many times, I started to imagine "the outside world" spontaneously.

On my fifth birthday, I was expecting a series of comics or a toy transformer as birthday gift from my parents. To my surprise, I received a set of encyclopedia which contained the mysterious "outside world". Through the encyclopedia, I discovered a wonderful world full of dinosaurs, space shuttles and volcanoes, etc.; this is also where my first ideal occupation came from --I want to be a scientist when I grow up. Although my scientist dream was not exactly attached to a specific field, it offered me chances to see a bigger world, and I was excited to know more about the outside world. By the way, it was years later when I found out that my parents spent almost half of their combined monthly salary at that time, to open this window to "the world outside" for me. I could not thank them enough for this special birthday gift.

A few years later, my parents began to talk about their friend's daughter's story, she went to a university in Toronto; her experience gave us more vivid picture of western education system. It was obvious that the two educational systems were different because of the distinct culture backgrounds. The open-minded academic atmosphere and the measurement of achievements there really fascinated me. Thereafter, I intended to turn my "outside world" dream into reality through the way such as to study aboard.

When I was in 10th Grade, there was an opportunity to attend a meeting in America with my school's Model UN Club. Without any hesitation, my parents took the stand in supporting me to broaden my horizon. It was my first time to visit aboard, feeling everything novel. Then I asked myself a question, "Is this the outside world I am searching for?" It was hard to say. But one thing happened, which made me to view the life from a different angle. During the session, many American students asked me about my country, including whether Chinese eat beetles and other stuff. At first I felt so strange that we were actually living in "the outside world" to them. Then I realized that --"the outside world" might be the curiosity of mankind, we live both inside and outside at the same time; on the other hand, it is the desire for "the outside world" inspired generations to realize their dreams.

It is hard to demonstrate what my parents brought to shape my dream; instead of telling me "what I must do" directly, they offered me more choices. Nevertheless, if they didn't tell me "the outside world" story in that ward, I might be on another road to somewhere else. Things have changed a lot as I grow up, but one thing stayed the same, that is my dream to see the outside world. Meanwhile, I wish I can help the outside world know more about our inside world.

wtangalang - / 14 1  
Dec 10, 2010   #2
Hi, I really like the concept of your essay. You just need to adjust your syntax and word choice. Here are some sentences you should perhaps revise:

In my childhood, due to my poor health,...

Through the encyclopedia, I discovered a wonderful world full of dinosaurs, space shuttles and volcanoes, etc.; It is also where my first ideal occupation came from -to be a scientist in the future.

It is hard to demonstrate what my parents brought to shape my dream;

Meanwhile, I wish I can help the outside world know more about our inside world. (you never mentioned anything about the "inside world" yet. I would just leave that out)


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