hi i need to write a poem for ESL of how the picture made me feel. i choose mona lisa.
I am in the woods and saw it in the woods
is that a rabbit or a basketball?
Rabbits hop and
B-balls bounce and
once I had a rabbit that resembles Shaq
its moving in the bush
and it is orange
so probably a rabbit but maybe a basketball
what does it sound like?
What do I feel like?
Is she a man or a woman or a basketball?
There is an ancient french poetry creature
it is calledhaicouxIt is about the basketball:
Boing Boing Dribble Jump
Omellette au Fromage et Baguette
The ears don't go in the hoop
But why is she looking like that?
Is she looking
if it is a rabbit or a basketball?
thanks you i just want to know whats wrong and how to make it better thx again bye
edit- oh no this should be in poetry but now i cant move it sorry sorry sorry!
Oh my, I am blown away by your poetry. I was ready for a boring description of a painting, in poetry form, only to have the pleasure of reading this. I could only make a few suggestions, as you see here, but they are only suggestions. You are a unique and interesting writer! Awesome poem.
once I had a rabbit that resembled Shaq
it's moving in the bush
Is she...(should this word be 'it'?) a man or a woman or a basketball?
Is she looking (to see?)
if it is a rabbit or a basketball?
thank you
i wrote "is she a man or a woman or a basketball" because maybe then will the reader guess, that mona lisa is a basketball. is mona a she or it?
thanks again this helps
Capitalize French.
But why is she looking like that?
Is she looking to see
if it is a rabbit or a basketball?
It really is an excellent poem! I'm grateful for the opportunity to follow your thought process.
Hi guys my teacher gave me a D because there isn't the basketball or rabbit in the painting but thanks for helping anyway. I made the corrections but maybe i'm just not a good poet. thanks again.
No, you are an excellent poet, please don't let one "teacher" stop you from writing. You know the saying, "those who can't do, teach"? Classic example.
Your teacher obviously does not know what a poem is. Please recommend EssayForum to him, so that I can explain to him the purpose and nature of poetry.
This poem achieves something that many poets cannot achieve, and it helped me to see the painting in a new way. More importantly, it helped me to see a moment of your own contemplation.
I hope you will link the teacher to this page so s/he can see that other teachers disagree with the negative assessment. If you had been assigned to write a descriptive essay, you would be wrong, but because this is poetry the teacher is wrong.
I wonder what kind of poem the teacher wrote about the Mona Lisa. I wonder if that poem could impress me the way yours did!
... Exactly what do you feel, Kevin? For I feel rather obscure his poem. I do not know where the rabbit really comes from, and how the basketball finds its way in and out throughout his poem. Maybe I am too unimaginative, but can anybody please explain?
For I feel rather obscure his poem.
The best kind. This poem planted a familiar and powerful image in my mind (the Mona Lisa) and then took me on a trip into a completely abstract, dreamlike experience.
I assume the title of the poem would let the reader know that it is about the mona lisa, and this creates such TENSION in me as I read, wondering where the mona lisa comes into play. At the end I see that an imaginative kid is taking an uneducated, totally natural, open-minded look at this image. The ears don't fit through the hoop.
Wow... boing boig dribble jump, the last thing I would expect to see in a poem about this famous painting. How irreverent and satisfying! How refreshing!
:-)
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