"What You Should Have Given Me"
'Neath ground- live red hot fire, a burn
Lust aroused, magma blazes, overflowing bright molten passion
Uncontained, raw, lava oozing, sliding; immense
Majestic eruptions overpower with scorching touches
Burst to flame, explosions searing sky- cloud of black dust
Left in ash, a diamond- pure, a brilliant beauty.
Decorating crowns of royals, rich luxurious jewelry
Cold and hard- a scratching glass, a frozen ice gem
"Best friend" (they say!)- transformation from useless coal
But black and dark and common coal still shines
A special luster with warmth and stable heat,
Emits a soft loving glow, a caress, an embrace
A peace more than a shiny rock- more precious
Than destruction, than ruin left with the scent of charred flesh.
I wrote this, but when I showed it to a few people, they found the message confusing. I was just hoping for some more feedback! (This is an assignment for a Literature class). Whatever you think the meaning is will be very helpful!
Wow! Awesome. Wel, without the title the message would be confusing, bt to me it seems clear and... really, really excellent. You are reflecting on the ring and ho the forging process incudes what should have been given instead of the superficial thing.
I like this part:
But black and dark and common coal still shines
A special luster with warmth and stable heat,
Emits a soft loving glow, a caress, an embrace
This is really high quality stuff. I wouldn't change it at all! It is easy to understand because of the title, which is also intriguing.
hmm this is tight,the use of words is intruguing.the message is deep yet bright like that diamond.question are u ready for it,when it can be given 2 u.lol!
