NOTE: I've already submitted this but I wanted any comments on it. It might alleviate, or exacerbate, my worries about the poem's message. After the deadline, I thought that the poem might have an overused theme: My friends are interested in stuff, I'm interested in stuff, so let us in!
Prompt:
"Why should California's leaders save you and your peers a spot in college?"
Title: One Day
I have a friend
She loves to look
Through telescopes
She says:
I'll be among the stars one day
I have a friend
He treats the strays
With bandages and love
He says:
Each animal will be loved one day
I have a friend
He's a bit odd
No electronic thing
Remained intact in his hands
He says:
I'll build instead of break apart one day
And then there's me
I love to learn
The workings of the world
How a dollar in America
Can become two dollars in America
I say:
I will move people one day
So, I implore you
Save a spot for me and my friends
So that one day
We will say:
The world is better
Not in spite of us
But because of us
what is related to your prompt?
It's in the last stanza.
Sounds good to me. You have a clear theme, and you manage to sound poetic, which is pretty much the only standard for poetry today in most schools.
It's a scholarship
Is this your own innovation, or did they ask for a poem? I think it is a great idea, but, if you took it upon yourself to write a poem instead of an essay I think it is important to comprimise by writing a short essay to go with the poem (that way, you can't be construed as someone who shirked a responsibility to write an essay). However, if a poem was asked for, disregard this remark.
It is extremly cool.
I wonder if you could find a more rhythmic way to say the lines about one doller in America becoming two.
I like that sight rhyme with "says" and "strays!"
I guess, if it was my poem... I would put a period at the end of each stanza. Know what I mean? After the last line of each stanza.
I like it! The best part is the appeal, "Save me a spot in college." However, it would be better if it named this specific school instead of "college"... actually, maybe not... that might make it sound like a cheer. Yeah, keep it the way it is. It seems really inspired!
Well, the prompt doesn't ask to specify a college and in fact seems to point to all colleges in California.
The poem wasn't asked for specifically, but:
"Written word entries may take many forms: essay, story, poem, song lyrics, or any other format as long as the contest question is addressed."
So I'm pretty sure that it's acceptable to write a poem by itself. It would certainly be odd if they penalized me if they said a poem was allowed.
