'siting in a dark room...' poem

siting in a dark room...do not know why?
hearing them talking about me...he must be a spy...
I thought it is just a lie...a huge bald guy came into my room...
whitout saying Hi...he threw my passport and said...
it is time to say bye...I stood and said you must say bye...
otherwise....you will cry cry cry...

Is the split between two speakers? The point of view shifts so I thought it's a combination of two people yet the division is not very clearly done. Sometimes, one whole line is seemingly one person.

Some silly spelling errors that you should always check for...I mean, you ARE a contributor...

Some silly spelling errors...hahah
you can call it typing errors too. ("-")

sitting in a dark room...do not know why?
hearing them talking about me...he must be a spy...
I thought it is just a lie...a huge bald guy came into my room...
without saying Hi...he threw my passport and said...
it is time to say bye...I stood and said you must say bye...
otherwise....you will cry cry cry...

You grow into it. At first, I disliked it but I keep reading it and it's getting better every time I read it, ha-ha.

the "..."s kind of break off the whole poem though.
How about...?

sitting in a dark room--do not know why?
hearing them talking about me...he must be a spy--
I thought it is just a lie--a huge bald guy came into my room...
without saying Hi, he threw my passport and said--
it is time to say bye...I stood and said you must say bye--
otherwise, you will cry cry cry...

I don't know. Stylistic choices I guess but I felt (when I first read it) there were too many "..."s :-P

thanks Envie.
I have some other poems I think you should see.

https://essayforum.com/poetry-writing-7/was-not-teacher-12233/

https://essayforum.com/poetry-writing-7/poem-nothing-9961/

https://essayforum.com/poetry-writing-7/united-nation-9267/

https://essayforum.com/poetry-writing-7/topic-9879/

https://essayforum.com/poetry-writing-7/chair-9306/

thanks again. :D)

This part confused me a lot! I think it needs to be made clearer so that impact of the poem can be made. Mae it all come clear for the reader at the end.

It sounds like this is about a real experience you had?

How about this one.

sitting in a dark room...do not know why?
hearing them talking about me...he must be a spy...
I thought it is just a lie...a huge bald guy came into my room...
without saying Hi...he threw my passport and said...
it is time to say bye...I stood and said I am not a spy...
this is my country...so, you must say bye...
otherwise....you will cry cry cry...

I really suggest you keep up the binary composition of the poetry rather than smudging the lines.


Is this a real-life experience, as Kevin asked? Because if it isn't, I don't really see the message of the poem.

Sitting in a dark room--

"Do you not know why?"
Hearing whispers about me--

"Spy, spy, spy"
Thought it as just a lie,
But a menacing man barged into the room,
Without a Hi and throwing my passport,

"It is time to say bye"
I stood and I said--I am not a spy
Leave or you will cry, cry, cry.

I don't know.

I think you can say it is a life experience...