STANDING FOR OUR VALUES; BLACK NOT FAKE

For how long shall we hold captive
the truth
The truth about our originality and credulity
How long shall we hold depressive
our pride
Our pride of black decent
And dazzling beauty
How long shall we burrow
Under the shadows of coloured globe
How long, oh comrades, shall we
bury our mother tongue
In the gaping holes of alien cord.

Forget not, my kindred, your originality
Squiggle not your simplicity
Muzzle not your individuality
Hide not under the shadows
But by the value instilled in thee
show the world
The black within

Hi there! It's been a really long time since I've workshopped a poem, so please bear with me.

I really like some of your language. Muzzle, that's a great word! Shadows of a colored globe? Really interesting and gives a good visual. I like that you weren't afraid to play with where your lines end to really hammer some of those thoughts/ words home.

I like your use of capital and lowercase letters that begin each line, but I think you should play with it even more and play around with the punctuation as well.

I think your first stanza is much more powerful than the second, by far. You have a lot of really cool images and it makes a great statement, but the second stanza kind of falls off a bit for me. Also, what do you mean by squiggle? When I think of squiggle, I see a wavy line or a doodle. If you mean like, don't over complicate your simplicity, I think you need to be clearer (even if that's not what you mean). Also, I'd like to know more about the values you talk about. What are they?

Well, that's it! Great work! Take care.

Thanks a lot HiddenGrace for reviewing my work. I'm grateful.
But could you please explain what you mean when you said: "I'd like to know more about the values you talk about. What are they?"

Thanks whole lot!

In your poem, you write:
Hide not under the shadows
But by the value instilled in thee

I was just wondering that the value was that was instilled. It's kind of vague, so I think having a concrete image of whatever value you mean could be powerful.