[teenage] wasteland and nihilism - feedback

teenage wasteland

you've been here before
this place with a lure
like a cheshire cat grin
here in this place where
abstract nouns are
suddenly tangible
and a steady beat
shakes your bones

a puff of smoke

gone again.

nihilism

nihilsm, you said,
you know,
everybody dies, no point
etc. etc.
and you waved your hand around in a
'blazé' (it's french, you said) fashion.
i was just about to say
something equally
acerbic and erudite
but then
the sun came up and
everything was beautiful and
i forgot

i'd like some feedback on these poems. i'm deciding which one to include in my school writing folio.
thanks :)

I think i would like "cheshire grin" better then "cheshire cat grin"
There are too many syllables, I think cutting it down would make it less of a mouth full.
And perhaps you could make it
"blazé fashion
(it's french, you said)"
So the reader doesn't have to wait for the end of the sentence. I think it's more complete.

The first one is less personal than the other, and the second one has a new flow that I like!
Great poems on the whole! I vote for #2!

allure... I think. not a lure. Unless you were using lure in some cool way.

Um... teenage wasteland is a song... so.. it is not a good title. Sorry! :-)
Anna! Great idea! I like the meter with the word cat omitted!

Both are great, second one gets my vote, too... and... change the title so that it is more meaningful! Don't just say nihilism. I think you need a 1 syllable or 2 syllable adjective to describe the noun nihilism.