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"useful in solving problems" - Paper on Universal Education



ewarsaw 1 / -  
Apr 9, 2011   #1
I'm currently writing my research paper and I just want to make sure my introduction is decent before I move on.

From the days of Ancient Rome to modern day society, education has had an inestimable influence on mankind. Not only does it aid in the development of knowledge, but it also has the ability to completely transform a child's life. When provided with an adequate education, a child is essentially given the power to be more successful than his ancestors and to close the ever-growing gap between the wealthy and the poor. However, most people fail to realize the impact that education has on society and, therefore, are unwilling to fund it. Every year, more than 100 million children worldwide do not have the opportunity to attend school, and the majority of these cases are a direct result of the lack of funding. The Millennium Development Project estimates that universal education would cost about ten billion dollars per year, nearly half of what Americans alone spend on ice cream. Surely we Americans can cut down on ice cream consumption and maybe even help to end the rapidly-spreading obesity epidemic while also providing a decent education for our world's youth. Equally abominable, the United States government is currently spending a large amount of its capital, about two million dollars per day, on war. Instead of trying to solve other nations' problems through enmity, it seems much more reasonable to provide these countries with the resources needed for education, thereby eventually allowing them to fend for themselves. It is obvious that the United States is in a state of severe debt, but it is nonetheless important to pay attention to where this money is really going and what effect it has not only on the United States, but also on the rest of the world. There are many more efficacious and constructive ways to spend money than on violence, welfare, and other issues that can be prevented. Although providing universal education would dissipate a great amount of government spending, it would ultimately prove useful in solving problems such as poverty, high mortality rates, and hunger due to its character as a positive externality.

Any comments/things you would change? Thanks!

leereel 3 / 8  
Apr 9, 2011   #2
I understand your thesis that universal education should be more funded. But I don't understand why it should be more invested in comparison to consumption of ice cream or to war capital. Except the quantitative analogy between them I couldn't find any reason for it. Also the term 'universal education' should be explained first of all, I think.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Apr 11, 2011   #3
on society and, therefore, are unwilling to fund it.

Right after this sentence, I think you should add a thesis statement and end the first paragraph.

The end of the first paragraph is always a good place for a thesis statement. But if you do not separate the essay into paragraphs you cannot use that powerful position: the end of a paragraph, where a sentence lingers in the reader's mind.

Wow, two million per day! That is so much money. I like your argument! But it is very important to use paragraphs.

Also...
Although providing universal education would dissipate require a great amount of government spending, it would


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