AAS Supporting Statement - Master of Urban Design and Master of Urban Planning

Hello, I am applying for the Australian Awards Scholarship (AAS).
I need your help to review this essay and give me feedback. Thank you.

Why did you choose your proposed course and institution*?

I choose Sydney University's Urban Design program for my master's studies because it would help me to contribute to the development of urban areas in Indonesia in a much larger scale. Many urban areas in Indonesia still need drastic improvement in many aspects and I aspire to be one of many experts that will contribute to create that improvement. As an architect, I can only design a single small building that only affects a few people, but an urban designer can create a much bigger impact by designing a large part of the city including its landscape, building blocks, infrastructures and public spaces, also establishing city framework that will create an ideal and sustainable living space. As an urban designer, I also get to work and collaborate with many experts in other field to solve problems in designing an urban space.

My second choice is Melbourne University's Urban Planning because it's still closely related to my architecture background and also still can fulfill my goal to contribute in urban area development. Urban designer and urban planner usually work together because both professions usually work in the same project and both are not independent discipline. While urban design are focused on designing a masterplan, urban planning focused on developing policies and guidelines for the use of urban space and resource.

Start the essay by introducing your academic background and relevant work experience. Do not make that information selective based onthe course and institution. Your presentation lacks fluidity and , information in the current format. Be clear about why you decided to become an urban planner based ona collective rather than selective platform at the start.


This information better suits the goals discussion. Put a pin in it for now.


You sound like you are lecturing the reviewer. - There is no clear professional reason for this choice.

You need to reflect an academic necessity and at least 2 professional goals. One for each course. Develop both explanations to help you create a more convincing response. Right now, the presentation is not well thought out and developed. The reviewer will definitely not be interested in this type of response. This is a written interview, not a casual inquiry. You don't seem like a serious applicant in this presentation. Bring out that side of interest in your explanation.