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My personal, academic, challenges, and leadership essays


Modewap 16 / 70 13  
Sep 30, 2014   #1
WRITE A BRIEF STATEMENT OUTLING YOUR PERSONAL AND ACADEMIC GOALS (100-words maximum)

''If you want to reach a goal, you must see the reaching in your own mind before you actually arrive at your goal''- Zig Ziglar

From tender age, i have wanted to hone my intellectual to acquire in-depth competence in stream of engineering in an institution that would prepare me for the engineering future ahead and i believe i have planned the road ahead and now is the time to journey.

Poverty alleviation schemes driven by indigenous engineering innovations had been my long term personal goal as i have always wanted to stand as a pinnacle of hope for my community.
OP Modewap 16 / 70 13  
Sep 30, 2014   #2
DESCRIBE A TIME WHEN YOU OVERCOME ONE OR MORE SIGNIFICANT OBSTACLES/CHALLENGES SO THAT YOU WERE ABLE TO IMPROVE THE LIVES OF OTHERS IN YOUR COMMUNITY. HOW DID YOU REACT TO THE CHALLENGE(S) AND WHAT DID YOU LEARN FROM THE EXPERIENCE (100- words maximum)

As i was walking in the darkness of my thought, the question that ran through my mind was ''Emmanuel, what are you doing in science class?.'' As i couldn't resist the thought that i failed mathematics, a subject one must pass before one could promote to the next class.

I never truly understood the meaning of ''Practice makes perfection'' until i started self-study that i barely sleep for 6-hours during the first term holiday.

The practice paid-off, i was promoted to the next class and also acquired great mathematical skills that had tutor students who had acquired great feats.

DESCRIBE THE GOAL, YOUR INVOLVEMENT AND OUT COME OF SIGNIFICANT COMMUNITY LEADERSHIP INITIATIVE IN WHICH YOU PLACED A ROLE (100- words maximum)

In area of leadership, i was an executive and co-founder of mathematics students association of Ijaiye Ojokoro senior high school(MATHSA). The main goal why we created the group was to support, teach and encourage students to acquire in-depth competence in mathematics.

As one of the executives who have represented the school in various competitions and also have vast knowledge of mathematics, I'm always appointed to tutor students with difficulties in mathematics.

Over the years, the outcome of this group had been great as we had tutor and produced many students that have acquired stable feat in calculating subjects.
hpharsh5 2 / 9 3  
Oct 1, 2014   #3
First things first, I think you should really make ALL of your essays 1 paragraph long, because honestly, 100 words doesn't leave much room for paragraphing and the fact that your paragraphs are 1 or 2 sentences long shows poor structure of your essays. Another thing, you should also try to review your grammar, use correct capitalization and respect the tense. I noticed that in your last essay you shifted from past to present, which should really be fixed ASAP.

'''If you want to reach a goal, you must see the reaching in your own mind before you actually arrive at your goal''- Zig Ziglar

From tender age, i have wanted to hone my intellectual to acquire in-depth competence in stream of engineering in an institution that would prepare me for the engineering future ahead and i believe i have planned the road ahead and now is the time to journey.

Poverty alleviation schemes driven by indigenous engineering innovations had been my long term personal goal as i have always wanted to stand as a pinnacle of hope for my community.'


Use 'I', not 'i'. Saying "wanted to hone my intellectual" makes no sense, I'd suggest saying something like "I have always wanted to hone my intellectual side". Don't say "in-depth competence in stream of engineering in an institution", say something more like "in-depth competence in the stream of engineering at an institution". Again, saying "would prepare me for the engineering future" doesn't make much sense. Say something more like "will prepare me for a future in engineering". Saying "i have planned the road ahead and now is the time to journey." sounds a little weird. I 'd say something like "I believe I have planned my future and feel like now is the time to make it come true". Or something like that...

Last but not least, in your last sentence, use "have" instead of "had" and say "the pinnacle of hope" and not "a pinnacle of hope"

'As i was walking in the darkness of my thought, the question that ran through my mind was ''Emmanuel, what are you doing in science class?.'' As i couldn't resist the thought that i failed mathematics, a subject one must pass before one could promote to the next class.

I never truly understood the meaning of ''Practice makes perfection'' until i started self-study that i barely sleep for 6-hours during the first term holiday.

The practice paid-off, i was promoted to the next class and also acquired great mathematical skills that had tutor students who had acquired great feats.'


I've simply edited this one to this --> "As I walked in the darkness of my thought, the question that ran through my mind was ''Emmanuel, what are you doing in science class?.'' I couldn't resist the thought of failing mathematics, a subject that one must pass before one could be promoted to the next class.

I never truly understood the meaning of ''Practice makes perfection'' until I started a self-study where I barely slept for 6-hours during the first term holiday.

Fortunately, the practice paid-off, I was promoted to the next class and also acquired great mathematical skills that let me tutor students who have acquired great feats."

"In area of leadership, i was an executive and co-founder of mathematics students association of Ijaiye Ojokoro senior high school(MATHSA). The main goal why we created the group was to support, teach and encourage students to acquire in-depth competence in mathematics.

As one of the executives who have represented the school in various competitions and also have vast knowledge of mathematics, I'm always appointed to tutor students with difficulties in mathematics.

Over the years, the outcome of this group had been great as we had tutor and produced many students that have acquired stable feat in calculating subjects."


Again, i just edited it --> "Playing a role in leadership, I was an executive and co-founder of the Mathematics Students Association of Ijaiye Ojokoro senior high school (MATHSA). The main goal pf the group was to support, teach and encourage students to acquire in-depth competency in mathematics.

As one of the executives who has represented the school in various competitions and also has a vast knowledge of mathematics, I'm always appointed to tutor students with difficulties in mathematics.

Over the years, the outcome of this group has been great as we have tutored many students who have acquired stable feats in calculating subjects."

I hope it helps :)
OP Modewap 16 / 70 13  
Oct 1, 2014   #4
Thanks bro, it helps.
OP Modewap 16 / 70 13  
Oct 26, 2014   #5
Someone should please help me to review this version.

*Prompt: personal and academic goals - 100 words maximum.

I have looked forward to standing as the pinnacle of hope for my community, a figure of hope to others that the dream of higher Education is possible and upholder of liberty to liberate the generation from poverty through going to the university to hone my intellectual sides to acquire competence in stream of engineering so that I will be empower to reduce unemployment through poverty alleviation schemes driven by indigenous engineering innovations which will pave ways for the younger ones to have access to quality education as the money realise will be invested in education empowerment program.

* Community leader initiative in which you improve lives eg organising tutor, raising fund etc. - 100 words maximum.

I have played various leadership roles, one of which was when I acted as executive and co-founder of Mathematics students association(MATHSA). The group was created as a result of mass failure in Mathematics among the students in the community, our motivation was to give hope to students and support them toward achieving stable feat in the subject. As one of the officials that has vast knowledge of Mathematics and has represented the school in various competitions, I was always appointed to tutor students. The outcome has been good, as we have tutor and support students who have excell in academics.

Any grammar error or awkward statement?.
jkhalifeh93 2 / 17 4  
Oct 26, 2014   #6
Corrected:

Becoming an engineer has been a lifelong dream of mine. On a professional or academic level, I hope to be able to develop novel structures, equipment, techniques, and put theory into practice. On a personal level, I look forward to becoming a role model in my community. As an aspiring engineer, my goal is to be able to alleviate the problems of my underprivileged community by giving back as a token of gratitude for what all it had to offer me. Despite the fact that it may seem as an unrealistic goal to have, I firmly believe that change can only occur through progressive small improvements, via social awareness programs and education, rather than grand projects. Becoming an engineer will thus fulfill my aspirations on both a professional and personal level. Studying at X university will allow me to gain the required competence, develop my intellectual capacities and interpersonal skills in order to satisfy my goals.
OP Modewap 16 / 70 13  
Oct 27, 2014   #7
Thanks sir, but this is a scholarship essay. Please I need more professionals to judge and help me review this essay.

Jkhalifeh93, thanks for your help, I make use of few words from your review.

This is another review from me --->

personal and academic goals 100 words maximum.

Becoming an engineer has been a lifelong dream of mine, as I have wanted to standing as the pinnacle of hope for my underprivilege community, a role mode to others, that the dream of higher Education is possible and upholder of liberty to liberate the generation from poverty. As an aspiring engineer, I hope to put theory into practice by developing novel structures and equipment that will improve the standard of living through poverty alleviation schemes driven by indigenous engineering innovations, which will create employment opportunities and pave ways for the younger ones to have access to quality education.
OP Modewap 16 / 70 13  
Oct 28, 2014   #8
Anybody to help me review my essay? I'm waiting for review and criticism since yesterday, as I will be submitting it this week


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