APPLYING FOR A SCHOLARSHIP - GOI-IES - my educational career

GOI-IES Scholarship application

Being a GOI-IES Scholar will enable me to achieve my long-term goal in my educational career by providing with the opportunity to further my studies. Receiving this scholarship will boost my self-confidence, knowing that I not only completed a very important task but also took the responsibility of creating a foundation for getting me closer to my goals

For my undergraduate degree, I studied Physics electronics which helped me to see where technology plays a vital role in existing inventions, our lives and for the future. I have been able to lay my hands in solving analytical and mathematical problems which involve solving problems by making effective decisions. Physics is a highly developed subject with broad branches in almost in any industry. I intend to study Electrical electronics engineering for my master's programme and I see it as a summary from my undergraduate studies, and to broaden my horizons to its opportunities. Today, the need for electronics engineers rapidly is growing and with that, the role becomes more important. Electronic engineers are at the forefront of developing new technologies in different industries such as robotics, transportation, construction closest to the work frame of any electronic device, they are ones implementing the circuitry, indicating if a resistor or simple capacitor should come before or after other devices and why. With the rapid expansion of the technology sector over the last few decades, the demand for those who can create, understand and alter electrical control systems has risen accordingly.

With this degree, it would give me an edge to able to increase my chances to compete on a global level and to do this I would need a recognized certificate. Ireland is reputed as a friendly country, And the quality of the Irish education system is a major contributing factor to her rapid rate of economic growth, headquarters some of the world's greatest tech and pharma companies. It has been said that research is key in the educational systems as well. Also, with the level of technological proficiency, the Irish educational system (ranked amongst the best in the world) is willing to accommodate students like me who want to develop skills that are fit to tackle today's problems.

I also believe in giving back to my community back in Nigeria by contributing to the educational system, setting up learning workshops in my capacity to bring more exposure to the practical aspect to younger students who have the same passion.

This is a 3 part essay application. You forgot to include the prompt you are responding to for reference. Without it, I am unsure as to how to review this essay but, I'll do my best.

It appears that your essay isn't really responding to a prompt. It is just delivering standard information about your course and your general aspirations. There is no reference as to how you plan to progress as a student during your time in Ireland. Do you have a social interest in studying under the Irish system of education? If so, what? The application essays have a part that asks how you will promote the scholarship program while attending school and upon your return to Nigeria, I do not see a clear reference to the within Nigeria promotion of the program. You may want to make a more solid promotional plan for that part.

I believe that these are the aspects of the essay that need work in the 2nd version. It should be better written and, I am guessing , prompt responsive when you do that.

@Holt
Thank you for your feedback, I edited the write-up but it turns out it wasn't posted. Okay I am applying for a scholarship and this is the Question

The benefit of becoming a GOI-IES Scholar; to themselves (personally and professionally), to Ireland, as well as their country of origin. (15 marks);