Ps for applying scholarship: why should we grant you this scholarship?

why you think that you are a particularly suitable candidate for this

I hope to get some advices about my passage content. Is this enough, or what should I add to it? Thank you all
There are many questions asked by application, like "
1.why you wish to pursue your studies at this University?
2.why you are applying for this scholarship
3.We are also looking for your thoughts on how you might contribute to the PG community whilst on programme "
so I wrote it in 3 parts

Here is it:

I have successfully pursued academic research and obtained a Master's degree in audio technology. After graduating from XXX with excellent results, I became an audio engineer. The skills I learned during my Master's degree helped me to deepen my understanding of relevant working practices, such as using more methods to evaluate sound effects and improving user experience to increase the interconnectedness of mobile terminals.

I have thought hard about pursuing another Master's degree in sound design. Based on my work experience over the years, I need more practical knowledge and experience in the audio field. Pursuing further education is an effective way to improve my abilities. The programme's curriculum is very appealing to me. I wish to acquire appropriate skills, resources and activities, which will even give me the opportunity to survive as a freelance business. I believe that the programme's values are congruous with my goals. This university also has a long history and a reputation for inclusiveness, which is one of the reasons why I wish to study at the XXX university. It is thus the perfect place for international students like me to learn about art and culture.

I am keenly aware that pursuing further academic research through a scholarship from your university would enhance my academic and career development in many ways. It would not only help me gain the confidence to rise to challenges, but also reduce my financial pressure. This would be vital to my academic success. In addition, the scholarship would give me the chance to spend more time on learning and invest more energy in the practical and other activities that are so important to this major. Such a one-year opportunity for learning is rare, and the scholarship would make this an even more valuable and meaningful experience, instead of wasting time on unrelated part-time jobs or thinking about how to save more money.

This major is not a particularly popular or fashionable major. However, it is my chosen major due to my characteristic persistence and yearning to take on and overcome formidable challenges such as studying abroad. In the future, I hope to help others whose aspirations are similar to mine. I would like to share what I have learned as much as possible with people who are interested in this field, especially young people. With the growing diversity of media communication, more and more people are likely to pursue creative paths such as becoming a designer. I believe that your school will give them invaluable support, such as the support already provided through Jack Grant for young artists in those years. I have benefited from this impact myself, because I have been influenced by many alumni.

In general, I wish to have the chance to influence more people, and I know that the community can offer me the opportunity to achieve this goal. Therefore, I hope that my application for this scholarship will be successful, as it will enable me to help more people.

Try to be more specific about why you chose the university. Describe you academic goals in more specific terms. What specific areas do you need help with? Why is it important to your career? How does the university course address this need specifically? Let me be more direct to the point. Your essay is dealing with implied information rather than giving straight information. That is what weakens the essay. Direct responses using examples, experiences, and personal consideration of various learning aspects in relation to the university ideals are required. You need to prove that your academic goals are aligned with the university. You have to show examples of how you plan to share your skills with the other students at the university. Be specific. You are being asked how you can contribute to the university community. Discuss how you plan to make these plans to inspire others a reality. Again, deal with specifics. Don't just aspire, implement.

Your reason for requiring the scholarship sounds like every other applicant's reason. Any chance you can try to come up with something more unique? Maybe say that because this is your second masters course, you are still paying off your student loan on the first one? Or something like that. That would be more believable and maybe more considerable than your current line of reasoning. That way, when you say you want to spend your time studying instead of working part time jobs or whatever, the reviewer will consider that you have mounting student debt that you are "working to pay off" but that you value education in relation to your career goals and self -improvement so much that you are willing to work while studying. Think of reasons that will make it sound like you just need to catch a break.

Overall, the essay is a good draft that could use a lot more development. You could probably write a new essay with more relevant information instead of implications. I am sure the second version, using more targeted specifics, would be better than this.

thank you very much
you are right, that is also my problem in writing
I modified this passage with ur advices, and post it.
hope this time, it would be better