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How would the APU tuition reduction scholarship assist you in reaching your goal



Alisher94 1 / -  
Apr 13, 2014   #1
Dear all, please could you give me advice for my scholarship essay, I will apply it this month. I am not confident at all with this essay.

How would the APU tuition reduction scholarship assist you in reaching your educational and career goals?

The life is the most valuable part of the people's lives, so in order to achieve the long-term goals and dreams a good education is highly important to have a stable position or career in the society. Sometimes reaching the goals and dreams of the people may be challenging enough or even impossible, because of number reasons, such as, home circumstances, illnesses, different conditions of impossibility; whether they concern lack of mental or financial resources.

Studying at the Ritsumerikan Asian Pacific University and being one of the most prominent businessmen in my residential area and have businesses on an international level is my dream and target goal. To reach this goal and dream I have to get the APU tuition reduction scholarship which will assist my education as immense financial resource. The advantage of getting APU tuition reduction scholarship will give me an opportunity to be fully concentrated on my studying without thinking about extra conditions or distract to the problems concerning financial background.

Japan is a great country which is developed in all spheres of the life; its fast speed of progress fascinates me and makes me greet it with high respect. It is the country which is always being the example country for me, which remained the culture and discipline of the past and innovation of the future. Knowing some traditions and behaviour manner of the Japanese people will give me a chance to feel myself home, as there are much more similarities between them.

However, despite of the fact having many similarities, it is possible me to face some difficulties in orientating on a new place. It is characteristical feature of human being to switch gradually not straightway, so in the time of my adaptation I want to be confident to make up my mind, not focusing on other things, but approaching solutions to switch the situations to their best sides.

Summing up the idea, I would like to say that the APU tuition reduction scholarship is an opportunity to support my education, giving me a chance to be fully focused on study and being a valuable specialist in the sphere of international business!

kaitlynko 3 / 5  
Apr 13, 2014   #2
The life is the most valuable part of the people's lives

This doesn't make sense. I would say...

Our dreams are the most valuable part of our lives. In order to achieve desired long term goals we must first get prepared through an education to train for a position in our dream job.

To reach this goal and dream I have to get the APU tuition

"to reach this goal and dream" sounds redundant. I would just pick one, probably dream because it sounds more valued. Also I wouldn't say "have to get" it sounds too harsh? I would restructure it to say

To obtain my dream of -----, getting the APU tuition scholarship would benefit me profoundly by assisting me in making financial ends meet. This would would allow me to focus my energy on succeeding in ----


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