I aspire to become a lawyer, not for the prestige; career aspirations

could you check and imrove it for me please..

The greatest lawyer in the world, Abraham Lincoln, which is also the first president of the united state had fought heavily against the appertide ideology and vanished the social classes really aspired me.He had a strong heart and faith in whatever he is doing.

I aspire to become a lawyer, not for the prestige or income of the profession, but because I believe that a hardworking person with a creative brain can change the world, I have the potential and heart to become one. To make a different, I chose to study law as well as syariah.The syariah also beneficial and useful for the Islamic banking and to settle dispute before the Syariah Court.Well, someone need to do something looking to the chaos happened nowadays.Many innocent people are imprisoned. Women and children from all over the world are physically, mentally and emotionally abused. Beggars everywhere.People being killed, raped, and the and the violent offender are released without being brought before the law. Human rights are violated every day and in many ways. That is why, I want to defend the innocent, speak out against prejudice, help fight human for rights and speak up for the oppressed.

<- Aside from the grammar problems, this is a run on sentence. Not only does it look aesthetically displeasing, but it can also be misconstrued as AL was the 1st president. Introduce proper breaks to make your point clearer.


. To make a difference (Not different), I want (Not chose. Not sure whether you started studying law yet)

Well(You're writing an essay, not a dialog or piece of discourse). Someone need(s ) to do something.(<-Add a break here, avoid run-on sentences). To look to the chaos happened nowadays.

I think the essay looks solid content-wise, but perhaps you can make it even stronger by elaborating your aspirations more.

.... do you mean apartheid ? I've not come across the word you have written there :(
Also, I don't find a strong connection between your aspiration and Lincoln. If you talk about apartheid policy, then you need to talk about Nelson Mandela who too had been a lawyer and not Lincoln.

Wasn't George Washington the first president of the US? Unless you mean Abraham was the first one who had fought for the appertide etc, then it makes sense. I guess it's a grammatical error.

thanks guys..well..if you can help me rearrange my sentences and suggest some bombastic words it will be nice dude..