I'm from Baluchistan; my autobiography/ SCHOLARSHIP to study in America

I am Javed Ahmed Khan and I belong to Baluchistan, district Pishin. Which is far-flung form economic hub and also is both backward educationally and socially. I completed my matric from Saint Francis Grammar school in sound numbers and a part from it I have very proactive personality and was one of the vocal student in the academy career. In school and collage level I used to be very punctual and never let any stone unturned in organizing conferences, taking part in debate contests and was also participating regularly in annual sports gala in the different categories of games. I have also procure good command on English language and am fully acquainted with its phonetics and phonemes. From very early educational life I used to read English journals, magazine, fictions and novels, which riched my vocabularies and also they inculcate literary sense in me which I think compelled me read Shakespeare and other literary figures. Beside this I have studied in different language academy and I have got advance degree from one of the best academy. I have also taught English in that academy for many months which has really given me valuable experience. After completing my Intermediate, I took my admission in international Islamic university in the department of English language and literature because studying literature really at IIUI experience me a new world. It was here that I become aware of American literature and their vast knowledge and literature. In literature I see opportunity to accomplish my desire of becoming writer and I felt that I should study my degree in literature in America because only in America I could well accomplish my desire of studying English literature and could become writer and living among the native speakers, I would get alot from their culture and customs. After this I start searching for this kind of scholarships and one day I came across a site in which I saw a ray of hope through which I could accomplish my desire of studying literature I American institutes. If I am selected through this scholarship and allowed to proceed to study in America, it would really give me a real test of literature and would also allure my personality. A part from this I deserve to be selected because I belong to Baluchistan which the situation is very turmoil and if I am allowed through this scholarship to study in America I would really well concentrate on studying literature and well also experience American culture.

There are numerous spelling and grammar errors littered throughout your essay. The first two sentences, for instance, should be unified with a comma. "a part" should be "apart". "Collage" should be "College". "Riched" should be "enriched". There are many more... deficiencies throughout your writing. I would not be surprised if many people find it extremely difficult to believe that you have a good command of the English language despite these incredibly basic mistakes. Although I can grasp what you are trying to say, it is going to be inevitably difficult for anyone to correct the content of your essay. For example: If I were to rewrite the first three sentences of your work, I would excrete this:

"I am Javed Ahmed Khan and I belong to Baluchistan, district Pishin. I completed my education from Saint Francis Grammar school and I have a very proactive personality. In college I was very punctual and active in organizing conferences; I also took part in debate contests and participated regularly in sports."

As you can see, for the sentences to make sense to me, many words had to be removed and added to improve the clarity and flow. This kind of editing has great potential for changing the author's meaning, as I am unfamiliar with some of your usage of terminology. Your writing desperately needs a lot of editing, which is no doubt, why you are here in the first place. However, the amount of revision that needs to be done to make your essay comprehensible is quite extreme; if anyone else were to do it for you, it would not accurately reflect your intellectual property. I honestly do not know how to aid you. It seems as if the best course of action would be to take a course in English grammar, but I am unsure if that option is available to you.

I am Javed Ahmed Khan from Pishin, a district of Baluchistan, which is far from an economically developed state. The education and social systems too are pretty backward.


... This line sounds confusing;
what do you mean by "sound numbers" ? your scores?
Also, why you say you are a proactive personality.... it sounds vague and confusing if you do not support that claim with proof...
vocal student? were you outspoken?