Battling With A New Environment - Common App application essay

This is the draft essay for my Common App application. I need help, especially with the ending but any extra suggestions would be extremely appreciated.

Battling With A New Environment

The university refused to renew my father's contract as a senior lecturer and we were given two options. It was either return to your motherland or hunt for a new job. We tried the latter but failed, so Bangladesh it was. Despite being my birthplace adjusting to this change in environment seemed like a battle where retreating wasn't an option.

I was enrolled in a new private high school. The journey to my school was a tough mission as the vehicles had to struggle their way through the dilapidated roads in Dhaka. The traffic moved at a snail's space amidst the noise and air pollution that added to our woes. The ride to and from school ate up most of my energy and there was very little left to be utilized for homework.

My new school is a six-story building and if it wasn't for the large logo in front, anyone would have mistaken it for a residential building. Students used the underground basement or the rooftop for outdoor games as there were no large open fields. The classrooms were quite dirty, the chairs uncomfortable, and the walls were covered in offensive graffiti.

As a result, adapting to this new institution became a battle itself and consequently, I was lagging behind in terms of academics, with my test scores falling drastically and I also failed to keep up with my schoolmates. At first, my parents exercised some tolerance but their patience did not last long. The biggest hit was when I scored zero twice but thanks to those zeroes, I realized that I had to put up a serious fight.

As my parents were becoming more worried over my academic performance, I used this as an opportunity to convince them to move to a new house one that is closer to my school. We shifted to our new abode much sooner than planned as our landlord, coincidently, requested us to vacate. Although the rent was quite exorbitant, our new neighborhood was an improved version of our previous one. The buildings were modern, the roads were finer, and most importantly, my school was just one minute away from my new home.

I also decided to join nearby cram schools to ameliorate my falling grades. Students from different schools came to study there which helped me in creating a diverse group of friends, thus enhancing my connections. I became very close with my new peers which significantly alleviated my mental stress. Moreover, the teachers there were very helpful and explained the relevant topics in a very clear and organized way.

We also began to frequently visit our relatives in Chittagong, my hometown, and thus, the gap between me and my extended family gradually narrowed. Therefore, I became more inclined towards my birth country because while there are many ups and downs as we navigate through life, our relatives are always there to stand by our side and this is a blessing that can't be obtained when we are settled far away from our native land.

Bangladesh may not be a country of high standard but I gained a lot of things that I may have been deprived of in Malaysia. It was in Bangladesh I understood that in order to integrate into a new society, you need to build connections with a variety of people living within that society. Such connections lead to friendship and better communication, which I believe is the first step to power, a value that I desire deeply.

With that being said, my brain still carries some remnants of my life back in Malaysia but I am glad that I returned to my homeland. It taught me no matter where you move in, adjusting to a new culture becomes impressively uncomplicated once you mingle with the right people.

When you say you are battling a new environment, you should first, explain what your original environment was. How was life for you and your parents in Malaysia? You have to present a description of the life you left so that the reader is not left wondering how different that life was from the life you described upon returning to India. Honestly, I found myself lost while reading your paper. You need to know that the reviewer wants to see how affected you were by the sudden change. What were you like as a student in Malaysia? That way there is more reason to be concerned when you begin discussing failing grades and your emotional status at the time.