The main purpose of my life is to become well-educated person who is useful for my home country. In order to build the strong fundament for my life and career, I need a good education with a very high quality and experiences possessed and collected in the highly developed countries such as The Republic of Korea. I need to learn how the people live in the competitive market, what should I have to know to be a very successful woman, and how to organize my personal life and career. Therefore, I would like to continue my studies in South Korea where I can learn how its people changed their country. The quality and high standards of Korea's education is renowned worldwide.
My future aspirations are to earn a bachelors degree for Economics. There are several reasons why I want to become an internationally recognized economist.
Firstly, through my years in High School I developed a strong passion for mathematics and realized it is the key subject to become an economist. I cannot imagine my life without Math because it is everywhere around us: we use Math to drive to school by calculating our gas mileage or even in the grocery store while stuck on a budget. Almost every discovery and technological advance would not have taken place if math was not incorporated into our lives. Therefore, I want to be the one that can change many people's lives and bring other big progresses too.
Secondly, My parents' private business, its income and their hard work taught me that economy is very important in any country, especially in Mongolia. In the future, I dream to run my own TV or radio show with deep analysis on Mongolia's and world economic and business issues. I always believe that our country will prosper and our people will need more information on economy.
With the influence of these reasons, I made the decision to become specialized in economics.
A Scholarship is a gift awarded to a suitable and worthy person. If awarded this scholarship, I can not only fulfill my own aspirations, but this scholarship will literally be the gift that keeps on giving. After obtaining my degree, I want to be the one that gives this small gift back to the community and back to the world in such ways.
There are many problems needs to be solved in Mongolia. For example: Air pollution, most families living in my city keep warm by burning coal in their houses and gers (yurts). Our apartment is heated from the central heating system of a coal burning power plant that delivers most of the black smoke onto our city's sky. I cannot open any window of my apartment. If I open it slightly our home will be filled with throat-cutting thick smoke of coal. Because of this, the more people are being diagnosed with lung cancer. Therefore, I want to learn the mechanisms and policies that changed South Korea from industrialized country to a developed country because I dream to become an important person who can change many things for better.
When I obtain my degree, I will be able to aid people of our community by bringing big progresses like making the air-pollution go away. In order to give this gift back to the community, I must first ask for a gift myself by asking you to award me this scholarship. With it, we can help our community improve and flourish.
Hi Oyu, here are some of my ideas. I hope they would help you somehow
- My future aspiration is to earn a bachelors degree for Economics
- I want to be the one who can change --> I think the word "who" is better here
- My parents' private business, its income and their hard work taught me that economy is very important in any country ----> Through my parent's private business: its income and the way my parent work, i have understood how important economy is to every country
- I can not only fulfill my own aspirations, ---> not only can i fulfill my own aspirations
- There are many problems needs to be solved in Mongolia, for example / (such as ) air pollution since most families living in my city keep warm by burning coal in their houses and gers (yurts).
- the more people are being diagnosed with lung cancer
After reading your essay, i see that there are so many ideas/points. In my opinion, you should rewrite somehow to make your essay focus on the two point: "why you want to specialized in economics" and "a thing that you can study from Korea". I think the scholarship part is something digressive!
The main purpose of my life is to become well-educated person who is useful for my home country. ---if you say this, you should justify it in some way. Should any person say this, regardless of what home country she or he comes from? What, specifically, do you want to accomplish.
In order to build the strong fundament foundation for my life and career, I need
Do not capitalize here:
Secondly, My my parents' private business its income and their hard work taught me that the economy is very important in any country, especially in Mongolia.
In the future, I dream to run my own TV or radio show with deep analysis on Mongolia's and world economic and business issues.----oh, I see that you have been thinking about the future! This is very good. This is the kind of detail I was thinking about when I asked what you want to accomplish.
I suggest a simplified sentence structure here:
If awarded this scholarship, I can not only fulfill my own aspirations, but and this scholarship will literally be the gift that keeps on giving.
Awesome ending.. I think both parts of this essay are impressive!
