Hi guys , this is my letter of Self-Introduction for the KGSP , I need your help to correct the grammar, vocabulary and phrases structure mistakes , I'm not good enough in English I'm still learning :)
Korean experience as an example
I was born and raised in *****, I spent my childhood moving with my family from a city to another due to my father's job , so I had to take my education in different schools , where I've been one of the major students. I graduated from High school in Economic and Management field, and I studied this field at the University for 1 year, before I made a hard but -a life changing decision- to continue my High education in "Library and Information science" because deep inside, that's what I really wanted, I've always been a book lover and books played a major role in my education and my life in general. Furthermore , the fact that my father was a former Librarian in the -**** Air Forces- , influenced me and gave me the chance to know the basic rules of this field, and I remember making a bibliographic notice card (ISBD format) for the first time, when I was still studying at middle school.
I've always seen life as an adventure, in which we experience delighted moments, and we face challenges and hardship, so I try to learn as much as I can from this journey and take the opportunities which will allow me to become more effective in my personal and professional life. I found this program a big opportunity for me to pursue my graduate studies in Library and Information Science , In which I earned so far the knowledge and the skills needed from the - past 2 and half years at the University - and -my current experience as a trainer - in the "*******", especially from the technological aspect of it ; All this matches with my desired Master's Research Subject in the "Open Source Information Movement" which South Korea is one of the leaders .
Moreover, studying abroad in particularly South Korea, is one of my goals and that I'm trying to achieve, and the support I've received from my family, motivated me to apply for the KGSP.
Studying in Korea is my biggest dream. I've been into Korean Culture for 9 years now. Listening to Kpop is a part of my daily life, also watching Kdramas , enjoying Korean Radio Stations and Television , participating in different contests and events like the Korean Culture Week , trying to learn "Hangul" in simple means , and making Korean friends. This program will give me the chance to learn the Korean language from its source, and to know more about the Korean Society.
In addition, to achieve a Master research on the Open Access Information and the key to success on it, I need to take the Korean experience as an example to develop and enhance the ***** humble initiatives in The Open Access Information field, in the proper ways.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 11,707 3785
T-ara, your letter does not provide the require prompt information. This essay is not useful because it is a personal statement instead of a letter of self introduction. Please focus your revision on indicating how your life experiences have helped you to develop your point of view about life, and how these life challenges have actually helped to develop your hopes and wishes in life. Revise the whole essay. Do not include the information about the ISBD format. Do not use the term "High education" if you mean college education because "High education" could mean a high school education,which means you do not have a college degree, which would then disqualify you from the scholarship program.
Discuss your college education instead of your high school education. Mention what course you studied and your academic achievements in order to create a proper educational background. There is now representation of your current work experience. You will need to develop a paragraph that discusses your current work experience and how that relates to your desire to study in Korea.
There are no actual motivations provided for your desire and reasons for you to pursue your studies in Korea. You must review the already completed KGSP Letter of Introduction essays at this forum and use those as your example in developing your revised essay. This current essay cannot be used for your application. It is incomplete and not applicable in terms of content.
Thank you for you feed back , I'll change the ISBD and High education part , but concerning my work experience , I don't have one , I mentioned my experience as trainer and I gave some reasons to study in Korea ( pursue my graduate studies , learning Korean language , my desired Research subject in relation with the program)
Holt Educational Consultant - / 11,707 3785
The research topic should not be mentioned in this self introduction because the Study plan essay deals specifically with your research activities as a student. You did not adequately develop your information as a trainer to qualify it as an actual work experience. What you want to qualify as reasons and motivations for studying in Korea are very weak and unimpressive. Like I said, review the other essays here if you want to truly improve your self introduction letter. The quality of information that you have provided do not adequately qualify you for the scholarship program. By the way, this is the last free advice you will get for this essay. There is a 2 free advice limit per essay thread. Should you wish to continue to have me edit and review your work, please click on our services link or list this essay as "Urgent" so that I can continue to work on the essay with you. If you click on the Services link and choose my name (Mary) from the list, you will have the opportunity to have me revise and edit your essay into a usable form instead.
I'll review the other essays and I'l try to write another Letter , thank you for your advises and your time . :)
Hi! i think in this kind of work what you should do is do not talk so much about personal life, instead talk about what are you professional about?
For example, after talking about where you wre born how is your childhood, you should contain it in 1 to 2 sentences, then talk about where you did graduated from or how many certifications you did get. It is may be useful than talk so much about so much about your personal
Talking about certification, you should tell them how much effort you did put on it , how important it is for their company, How many profit it will make for them
Your grammar it not really bad but you should look at your tense when you use it for example I've always been a book lover and books played a no you should use have instead of been