I wasn't born with the leadership qualities, nor could I influence others... Chevening Scholarship

I am looking forward to your feedbacks, and it would be greatly appreciated.

LEADERSHIP & INFLUENCE QUESTION
Chevening is looking for individuals that will be future leaders or influencers in their home countries. Explain how you meet this requirement, using clear examples of your own leadership and influencing skills to support your answer.

(minimum word count: 50 words, maximum word count: 500 words)

Frankly, I wasn't born with the leadership qualities, nor could I influence others. I simply focused on training myself to be a good person and skilled professional in various fields since I always knew I had something special hidden within me. Once I enrolled in university, everything felt different as my fellow classmates were role-modelling me by virtue of being one who built himself better. I do believe that leadership is a skill which I call achievable ability. Now, I can admit myself with poise as a leader and influencer having been brought by my diligence to improve myself.

Currently, I am a teacher at an education centre. I have been teaching English and tactics of IELTS to ESL students since July 2015. One of the essential merits of a good teacher is influencing and leading. What makes me different is that I doubtlessly wish that my students fulfil their dreams, so my schooling was not words from the book; it was from my heart and experience. Influencing and leading my students we formed one community, and more than half of them achieved their goals. Because of the accomplishment, I was awarded 'Honour of the Duty' medal from Mongolian Youth Federation.

Let's go back to my university years. I made ideal choice to pursue Journalism at the premier educational institute, National University of Mongolia which could possibly nurture my writing talents. In fact, the reason I thought myself special was my creative thinking. I stood out of the crowd by writing articles of which not many could think. My talents can be backed up by the fact that I led some of my fellow students from my department, and we formed Young Journalists' union of Mongolia. Leading the community, we successfully organized variety of writing competitions within Journalism students and events such as football competition within workers in media industry in which I was the captain of our team.

Moreover, I dedicated my free time to head fan clubs of artists Camerton, Mongolia and TVXQ from Korea, and I was one of the founding members of Mongolian supporters of Chelsea Football Club, which later became Official Supporters Club of Chelsea with about 3000 members actively holding charity events as a community.

Lastly and particularly on influencing, I was one of the pioneers who introduced English Premier League to Mongolian audience. Translating and laymanizing exclusive programs of the league, I have illuminated and educated whole community by recreational activity. Further, I can proudly say that I influence people by writing lyrics. With the fact that 10 of my compositions came to life, my determination to help others and change their life for good influences our listeners to live better.

Altan, I like the way that you developed the vision of your leadership skills at the start. Opening with that negative statement and then closing it on such a positive note is exactly the kind of hook that benefits your essay. I would advise you though, to present your leadership skills in chronological order. Meaning you talk about college before you talk about your leadership skills as a teacher. Try to expound more on the medal that you received. Provide a background as to the leadership skills that were involved which led to the award. This is the most important award that you can discuss in this essay because it deals with your present leadership role. So shed more light on it. Make it a true highlight.

I don't believe that mentioning pop culture, even if it relates to your leadership skills is something that you should present in the essay. That is too trivial and doesn't really have any cultural relevance to the topic. Now, your leadership of the Chelsea club, the minute you mentioned that it was involved in charity activities, became the more important organization to discuss. Mention the charity activities you led and how you led it in order to show that you are also a socio-civic leader and not just an academic one.

Your last paragraph is not as important as the ones I have previously mentioned so you can skip that part if you are comfortable with it. Make a more impressive conclusion based upon the more important leadership activities that you have participated in.

Hey, thank you Holt. Indeed, it was really helpful. Now I can improve my essay more effectively