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"born in El Salvador, autobiography" - scholarship essay help



claudia_lovez_u 1 / -  
Dec 19, 2010   #1
Hello I have to write an autobiography for a scholarship includin my finantial need as an undocumented student! and i'm very bad at grammar and spelling! and it can only be 1000 words maximum please help me this is what i got so far

I was born in El Salvador, in a little town call San Marcos, a few miles from the capital on April 24, 1992. I lived on a little apartment, with my mom, dad and older sister Veronica, when I was 5 years old, my dad had a good paying job and bought a house on the same town but on a place where gangs didn't dominate that much. I was raise in that house, and attended to a public school call Centro Escolar Domingo Faustino Sarmiento 2 minutes away from my house, I had lots of friend and they were my other family. When I was 10 years old, my dad "quit" his job because the company that he worked for though he was stealing money from them, he took the polygraph, my dad said he passed but he decided to quit because he didn't feel comfortable on that company anymore, but later on I was to discover the truth that would completely change the admiration I had for my dad. He was unemployed for about one year, my mom was the only one working at our house, my dad got hired into another company and had to deliver packages but he crash with a gasoline truck, everyone said it was a miracle he is still alive, he couldn't move or talk, weeks went by and my mom didn't saw any improvement on him, she took him to a private hospital, and the doctors found water on his brain and my mom pay for his very expensive treatment, she also had to pay for a physiologist , he explain to my mom that he had hit his head so hard that the hidden personality he had would not be hidden anymore, he had to take medicine for a very long time but when he started to recover, he started to think that my mom tried to kill him, and every day I could hear both of my parents fighting, that's why my mom decided to come to the United States with my sister. When they left, I stood with my dad for one year. My dad had money to feed me but he wouldn't give it to me. My dad didn't feed me and he would make me go to the store and say he had no money and I was hungry so they will give me free food. He didn't want to buy school supplies for me neither cloth nor other stuff. A year passed, my mom and sister send money for my flying ticket to come to the United States. I remember the day I got in the airplane going to the USA I knew I wouldn't be back to my dear country, El Salvador for a long time. When I arrived to the Tacoma airport and saw my mom and sister I was surprise to see how much they had change, they were also surprise, to see a really skinny girl that a year ago was in a healthy weight. I started to learn English and spent about three months on ESL Classes and they took me out because they said I was ready. Also during that time I realize that my dad had lied, he didn't passed the polygraph, he also treat my mom badly but she had not told me because she didn't want me to suffer more. With the disappointment I felt, I worked very hard, passed all my classes but there was one more tragedy coming to my family, while my sister and cousin where working at a Aerospace Manufacturer, ICE came and arrested them, they were on jail for 1 month, my mom had to pay a bail and they are currently fighting to stay in this country. That was 2 years ago, now I'm a Senior in High School, and my dad is in El Salvador, he came to the U.S a couple of years ago but was arrested many times and got into so much trouble that we had to send him back, he just calls my sister and I to ask for money, and my friends tell me he doesn't look ok but he doesn't want to take his medicines.

I plan to get my Interpreter certification so I can work as an interpreter while I attend to Skagit Valley College, I'm still not sure about what I want to study But I know It will be something technology related, One possibility is Computer Programming. After getting my degree at Skagit, I want to work for Microsoft, and I would use the experience gain at Microsoft to start my own business on technology and bring some of my friends from El Salvador to work at my company and give them the opportunity to have a better life. My other dream is to help undocumented immigrants, by donating money and making sure their rights are respected, because I would never forget how it feels like to be an undocumented person in this country, the racism and all the other issues I had to deal with just for being an undocumented student. Also help people who live in poverty in my country, and in many other countries, make a technical school at El Salvador to help kids stay away from gangs.

I'm in need of this scholarship because, as an undocumented student is very hard to find financial help to pay for my education, most scholarships are only for legal residents and citizens and I can't apply for loans or federal government help. Also my mom can't pay for my college education, she is my only support and also supports my grandmother and aunt who currently live in El Salvador, she has also help my sister and cousin to pay for their lawyer and works very few hours during the week. I can only count on scholarships like this one that help undocumented students and don't require a legal status in this country to help me follow my dream.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13052  
Dec 24, 2010   #2
I lived in a ....

...and my mom paid for...

...so they would give me free food.

Also during that time I realized that my dad had lied; he had not passed the polygraph, and he also treated my mom badly, but she never told me because she didn't want me to suffer more. ---I made a lot of changes in this sentence.

You did a great job in this essay! I want to tell you that the details you gave in the beginning are not necessary... date of birth, names of people, ... unnecessary details distract the reader. Even your sister's name is unnecessary, for example, because the purpose of this essay is to show that you have a PLAN for entering a particular field and that you have financial need.

Begin by introducing yourself as a student with a strong intention to enter the professional field of XXXXX and tell all about your goals. Give the autobiography without changing it too much, because it is written very well! I really hope the readers select you to receive the scholarship!


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