I am ready to build
Until January 30th, 1999 my family was three boys plus parents, on Jan 31st, we got a sister, then I wrote my first poetry piece! I am telling you about this occasion because since this time I have been trying to discover my talent with experts, magazines and newspapers. Attending a lot of workshops and seminars leads me to acquire the required skills to speak, discuss and sharing ideas with people. At university age, I made a wall magazine, including articles and scientific materials and it was an amazing monthly activity, learned how to lead my peers to oblige with deadlines and continuation.
In 2007, I moved to (...) for work purpose, facing a real challenge being away from classmates and family members. Success was a mandatory target for me, and I did it.
At the beginning, I worked in laboratory equipment sales field for two years, achieving excellent start, considering that it was new specialization, I am a pharmacist! But I believe most of the time that I'm a sales-oriented person that can sell anything. Having the ability for self-education and influence clients to my products is my exact specialty. After two years I moved to another hospital sales area, intensive care units and operating rooms. With deep knowledge and good relationship; I succeed to furnish a wide number of healthcare institutes with state of the art devices. Technology is life, that was my message to end-users.
One of the beautiful installation completed in (...), we had a project to create a neonatal intensive care unit with 44 beds volume. From an early stage, being proactive, start marketing activities with all participants, promoting my approach as a turnkey provider (Interior design, devices and modern concept). The challenge was to convince my company board members about this strategic deal getting all their attention for such opportunity, and they agreed to invest all useful power to bring this dream into life. A bunch of demonstrations, hands-on workshops and presentations I did and the rest I assigned to application specialists, project team and department managers being on the right place for a year and a half and finally we reward to build the project. Another year of construction and managing third parts in parallel with our team leads to a significant NICU in (...) and today it is a reference for the Ministry of Health projects.
I can say that I am ready with leadership skills to build more lovely spaces for patients.
For the essay of leadership and influence, I think you have to focus directly on the evidence in the professional world. So in my opinion the first and second paragraph is less relevant in this essay.
You can show your leadership and influencing evidence in paragraph three and four. But I think you have to make a stonger point.
How you can succeesfully furnish a wide number of healthcare institutes with state of the art devices. Did you do something with your leadership and influencing skill? Maybe you can elaborate deeply and show the strong evidence here.
You can also mention how you convince your company board members in 4th paragraph
I hope that will help you :)
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Esam, the first thing you have to remember when writing formal essays to a review committee is that you should not treat it like a creative writing piece of a common essay narrative. That means, the whole tone of this paper, from beginning to end is disrespectful to the reviewer. Do not use exclamation points. Don't you dare shout at the reviewer. That is what you are doing you know. There is no need for over emphasis as this is just a written preliminary interview. Your over emotion could result in your getting cut from consideration simply because you did not know how to treat the reviewer.
Next, the essay itself is not powerful. I am not clear on what your real occupation is and how you led in it. If you are a pharmacist, what is the connection of the neonatal intensive care unit? You have just confused the reviewer and he will decide that you are not really taking this application seriously. A leadership and influencing essay has certain discussion focus points that need to be addressed. None of those were handled in your presentation. Look at the samples here and learn from their mistakes in order to improve your own essay which is also, riddled with mistakes that have made it unusable for the leadership and influencing essay.