I carry knowledge within me - Questbridge Bio Essay

Questbridge Bio Essay, give me constructive criticism and correct any flaws.

We are interested in learning more about you and the context in which you have grown up, formed your aspirations, and accomplished your academic successes. Please describe the factors and challenges that have most shaped your personal life and aspirations. How have these factors helped you to grow?

I stared at my polished railing as the photons danced in the humid air allowing me to perceive reality. I could taste salt water in my crimson lips as i stared into what i thought was oblivion. I snapped out of my depressive trance and wiped away my tears. I couldn't be weak, not now. Moving back to Bangladesh was, in the eyes of a 12 year old, a curse. Leaving a first world country for a third world country did not make sense to my naïve mind but later I understood my parents' hidden point of view. The living expenses in New York was the driving force that made my parents make the massive change. Living expenses in Bangladesh were a lot less comparatively but I couldn't grasp my parents' motives, being selfish of only my desires to stay in a country where I grew in age but much less as a person. From the boisterous metropolitan area, I moved to a quiet place with virtually no sound made at night besides the chirping birds and lively crickets. My first day there, I could see the destitute of the people. Poverty filled the roads and noxious gasses slapped my face with bitter ridicule but little did I know this land of such disaster would be the place where I would realize my potential and fall in love with the pursuit of knowledge.

My first day of school was a complete revelation. People marveled at the presence of an American and expected me to be some sort of precocious child. However, as the classes proceeded, they saw me as an average boy from a not-so-average place. The curriculum was extremely different from American curriculum and was very abstruse. From America's form of education of understanding a concept, I had to conform to a Bangladeshi standard of education on intense memorization and building experience from memory. Months passed and with the completely different curriculum, I was at the bottom of my class, feeling degraded and worthless. It was hard to ignore the taunting whispers that would go around about me and I began to form a bubble and separate myself from most of the school. That is when I had instilled a spark within me to truly value knowledge. I began studying nonstop and by my side was a mentor as intuitive as Socrates, my cousin. Arif had consistently tutored me for hours a day with tenacity. For every pen stroke I wrote, every x value I had solved for, and every little piece of knowledge I stored in my head, I began to see a light within my secluded cocoon. Inheriting his perseverance and brilliant intellect, I began to see exponential increase in my grades. From time to time, my motivation dipped but there was no driving force than my parents, my mother constantly telling me before I went to bed that hard work will always bring well-earned joy, or when my father and I would Skype every morning and how he told me he struggles to make our family content only for us to never live the same life he did. They saw me as their only hope, their escape from an unfulfilled life. They expected greatness from me as I would be the first from my family to attend college and that pushed me beyond limits that were never fathomable. From the many nights I stood on my balcony contemplating how lonely I was, I began imagining what I could achieve with this new-found desire for education, what new doors awaited to be opened. After everything I have been through, I truly would not have understood the feeling of success if I hadn't failed at first. For my whole life, I had always needed a helping hand but now the roles have switched and I soon aspire to become the helping hand for others. After having experienced life in my impoverished country, I dream of one day going back and helping those who need it. Doing that would require power and there is no power more sufficient than knowledge. With knowledge within me, I can easily take the next step without fearing what is to come.

IN ADVANCE, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TAKING THE TIME TO READ THIS

Rahat, you completely understood the prompt and developed an interesting and imaginative essay that actually takes the reviewer back to the beginning of your story. You show us the world that you came from and the struggles you had to overcome to reach the point you are at now in your life. While this is an essay that achieves the prompt requirements, that is not to say that it does not require any revisions, edits, or suggestions for further improvement. I'll be posting my notes and suggestions below. The phrases are edited portions of your essay with the corrections reflected.

my parent's point of view

The living expense

that forced my parents

grasp my parent's motives


- Justify this statement. Why did you develop less as a person in the U.S.? Wasn't your time here representative of the early influences in your life?

I could see destitute people

That is when I instilled a spark


- Try to make Arif sound more than just a tutor. He was part of your success and helped shaped your academic aspirations. Deepen the representation of your learning relationship with him if possible. Remember, you did not improve your grades alone. So this another representative part of the essay that should be threshed out. You can't just say you developed his intellect and perseverance. How did he lead you by example?


-Why so? Where was he? How did his absence further help to increase your desire to learn and improve your life? Surely there is another reason that your father struck a chord with you aside from what you say about having their expectations on your shoulders. Did he have dreams that you shared with him for yourself and your future? That is another way that you formed your aspirations so try to portray it in the essay.

there was no STRONGER driving force

I think that we can start with these changes for now. Maybe I can offer more comments and suggestions after you revise the essay and post the next version for review here :-)

Oh my god, thank you so much... thank you thank you thank you, ill be revising those portions immediately. Again i thank you so much

- ...I understood my parents'(an apostrophe is not necessary for the word "parents") ...
- ...were a lot less comparatively but I couldn't...
- ...being selfish of onlyfor my desires to...
- My first day therein Bangladesh ,
- For every pen stroke of pen I wrote,
- ...my motivation dippedgrow deeper but there...
- ...my mother would constantly telling me before...
- ...what new doors awaitsed to be opened.
- For my wholeAll my life,
- I had always needed a helping hand...
- Armed withWith knowledge within me ,
- I can easily take the next step without fearing what is about to come.

There you have it, it's good essay and you were able to deliver what us asked of the essay.
I hope thus helps.