Hello, I will be very thankful if anyone can comment on my essay for the Chevening Scholarship Leaderhip & Influence question.
Prompt:
Chevening is looking for individuals that will be future leaders or influencers in their home countries. Explain how you meet this requirement, using clear examples of your own leadership and influencing skills to support your answer.
(minimum word count: 50 words, maximum word count: 500 words)
values of leadership have been instilled in me early
From a young age, values of leadership have been instilled in me and have been exercised through my experiences in various organizations and committees since junior high school. These experiences help me face challenges in my career as a physician in Indonesia, where we are seen as leaders in the community and in our workplaces.
I worked in a small private hospital in Banten, a neighboring province of Jakarta, as a part of a national internship program for newly-graduated physician. As the physician-on-duty in the wards, I lead a team of 10 nurses and 2 nursing associates per shift, and I analyzed any of the patients' medical problems, to either be solved by myself or be reported to the senior GP or to the consultants. In this hospital, almost all of the nurses working were nurses with a three-year nursing diploma, not Registered Nurses (who are nurses with a four-year nursing degree and professional trainings). These nurses were not capable of performing advanced life support and they were not equipped with adequate knowledge of human physiology, therefore the nurses always look up to the physicians. My leadership was especially needed in emergency situations, where I am expected to make rapid-fire decisions in order to provide optimal life-saving care, regardless of how inexperienced I was. Since I was a new employee and I was younger than several of the nurses, I was initially worried about whether or not they will listen to me, so I tried to get to know them as much as possible in an effort of team-building, establishing that I was a leader that will walk with them, not in front of them.
It was my third month working as a physician in the hospital and my first month in the wards, when a patient's family member called for help because her mother seemed unresponsive. I went to the patient's room and found the patient, an elderly woman, completely unresponsive to pain stimulation and was snoring loudly; red flags. My heart raced as I called the nurses and they rushed in, waiting for my command. They were about to declare a code blue, but I advised against it because the patient was breathing and her pulse was palpable. I instructed for a glucose stick and a suction instead. The patient needed urgent actions and there was no time to call the senior GP for advice on what to do, so I was relieved when my nurses trusted my commands, despite the fact that I was a new physician. The nurses were not confident in using the suction, so I walked them through the steps and performed suctioning together. Meanwhile, the glucose-meter read "Lo", which explained that the patient's loss of consciousness was due to low blood sugar. I asked one of the nurse to administer some intravenous glucose solution, and the patient regained consciousness within minutes. Relief washed over me, as I realized I had succeeded in leading my team to save a patient's life.Hi Tika,
You said that you have started leading since you were in the junior high school, so i recommend you to support that with at least on example. Saying that in general manner will negatively impress the reviewers.
I think that you have to mention a variety of examples that will support your leading traits. I think you just mentioned one example and you explained that in details which in my opinion is not a good manner. I think that you have to mention what leading activities you hope to conduct in the future.
Hope u best of luck.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Attika, this essay is not totally a leadership and influencing essay because you referred to uncertainty on your part. A true leader does not second guess herself. A true leader never feels uncertain. A true leader takes charge without a second thought. Unfortunately, that is not consistently presented in your essay. Possibly because you are trying to serve up one too many "stories" at the same time. Why don't you try focusing more on explaining how you developed your leadership and influencing skill instead? Only this time, do it with an air of confidence in your writing and a strong example that shows you taking charge and influencing the nurses instead. The way it looks, the nurses don't really consider you a leader and neither were you able to influence them into respecting you as their leader since they wanted to call the GP instead of simply taking their cues from their "leader and influencer". Try to make a more solid representation as the essay at the moment badly needs development.
@tika89 Hi. I agree with both the comments above. I would try and include at least one more separate instance of leadership if I were you, to prove that I had been a leader since young. Also, while I appreciate a good story, I'm wondering if the third paragraph is too long and strewn with jargons and details that seem unnecessary to the question. Perhaps you could shorten that paragraph into one or two lines to point out a specific life-saving feat, and then jump into how your leadership has influenced the community of nurses and the environment in the hospital in a positive manner. What change have you brought to the system? I hope this helps. All the best.
