Chevening Essay - Networking in Startups

Hello, this is the essay that I plan to submit for the Chevening networking question.
I would greatly appreciate your time to review and feedbacks towards this essay.
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networking means a lot to me

Networking for me is a give and take process that allows all the parties involved to get the best from each other.
During my work in [AAA], I was appointed by our CEO to become the project leader for a joint project with my almamater [BBB]. The project's goal was to share our knowledge in game development with [BBB] students and initiate a good relationship with [BBB] by creating mobile games together. For this endeavor, I had to bridge our Japanese CEO with lecturers from two department in [BBB] during the project, each with their own work culture and expectation. It was my responsibility to understand each of them and ensure that the good will from each side got properly delivered throughout the project. That's the important lesson that I take to heart when connecting with others.

Later on when I work in [CCC], I tried to connect the company with the lecturer that I worked with before. I'd been able to convince my CEO to initiate a meeting with [BBB] lecturer and a group of students despite his initial doubt about what benefit it would give to the company. Although there's no further joint project made from that meeting, we do successfully recruit one of the student to our company. Later on, we found out that he's amongst the best talent we ever had. I realize that connecting available networks can help to gain unexpected benefit for parties involved.

Further in my career, I find out that it is very important to maintain and expand the network one has. That's why I actively attend reunions and various IT developer events. Being involved in startup community in [MyCity] also help expanding my network, especially with those that works in IT industry. My startup team has joined multiple incubation programme such as [111], [222] and [333]. Amongst the people I met from those events and programmes, some I had the opportunity to meet again in a more personal meetup. And then from these meetups, some I had the opportunities to collaborate with.

From what I've learned so far, having the right skill and knowing the right people can open up the right opportunity. That's why studying abroad and being a part of Chevening network will open up that opportunity to me. Ultimately, what I will gain from Chevening will greatly helps me to realize my dream to build a coworking space in [MyCity]. I want to build a startup community in that area by becoming a bridge that connects local talents with global opportunities.

Ahmad, the second paragraph refers to a failed networking endeavor. Remove that. You should never refer to an unsuccessful undertaking in any of your Chevening essays because the reviewer is only interested in success stories because, let's face it, if you are a failure at something then you cannot be perceived as a potentially successful scholar. Even though one student came out of the program, the main point is that the network was not successfully maintained and therefore, is considered a failure. Use only the successful undertakings in your networking efforts and hide the failures. Nobody needs to know or should know that it happened.

Your paragraph about the start up community needs to be enhanced to show how you have managed to successfully use this network for your benefit. There isn't enough evidence to prove that this is a useful network for you at the moment. It has the potential to catch the eye of the reviewer but that can only happen if you work on developing that paragraph presentation.

Your concluding paragraph needs to open up the reasons as to how your current and future networks will be able to assist the other Chevening scholars and graduates as well. The networking essay requires you to explain that in the prompt. So your final paragraph needs to be less self centered and more open to network sharing in the presentation.

@ariesfathullah
Dear,

The first paragraph seems like its addressing the Leadership and influence prompt and perhaps you drifted a bit from what was expected of you. The prompt expects you to translate your professional or academic network to goal achievement.

Also in the second paragraph, the example does not still answer the question on networking. See an example: Working with BBB created an opportunity for me to connect with A, B, C who later facilitated one of my organization's project in CCC. Working in AAA created an opportunity to meet and engage the Japanese CEO on future projects to ensure sustainability of game development in schools through which we have employed outstanding young school leaver.

The third paragraph has a bit of what is really expected from you, kindly expand it to show the relationship between your professional network and goal achievement.