The clear glass award ; LEADERSHIP

Hi, Which one connects to you and is better for this prompt? If both suck and need major revising, you can tell me that too!

PROMPT:
What have you learned from your various leadership experiences? *

ESSAY A:

The clear glass award sat right in the middle of my family's very growing trophy case. I was just as surprised as my friends when I first got it. "What? You actually do something for the community" they spoke with awe. I fell in love with volunteering since the first time I volunteered in the quaint fishing village of Steveston. When you get into the spirit of being a true volunteer, you never expect to receive acclamation or be awarded for what you do. You volunteer because you want to not because you have to (it's actually a very selfish thing). This is why I joined U-Connect, a youth-led, organized and oriented group. While many brought along their school friends, I came alone, I had to talk to people (eek!) if I ever wanted to succeed in the group. Friday after Friday, I slowly blossomed from being that "quiet-boring kid" to the new youth leader of the U-connect crew, in just one year. Of course this required large amounts of hard work.

At first, people would interrogate me whenever I talked, their eyes seemed to bounce from the grey wall to me and back to the wall (the more interesting of the two). They never noticed me until I used my only strength, dark humour. It was only then they found that the wall was actually not as interesting as myself. I used my humor not to get attention but to form relationships so people would listen to and respect me.

In short, leadership isn't something you can take as an online course; you need to work your way to it. It is only through experience that you learn the teamwork, communication and listening skills that make you a great a leader.

ESSAY B:

The clear glass award sat right in the middle of my family's very growing trophy case. I was just as surprised as my friends when I first got it. "What? You actually do something for the community" they spoke with awe. I fell in love with volunteering since the first time I volunteered in the quaint fishing village of Steveston. When you get into the spirit of being a true volunteer, you never expect to receive acclamations or be awarded for what you do. You volunteer because you want to not because you have to (it's actually a very selfish thing).

When I first joined U-Connect crew (a youth led organization), I was a lonely, quiet kid that no one knew. I never tried to introduce myself or talk during meeting, I didn't really fit. I hated it, no one seemed to like me and I hated myself for signing up for it. We would have icebreakers now and then, but I never really was myself, I was just that kid, sitting in the corner, lonely and quiet.

One day, it seemed as adrenaline rushed down my veins. I hated this group yet why was I excited for it? I remember their shocked faces, mouths wide open when they saw me talk, they were just as shocked as me. The dark black room that we had our meeting in starting to become brighter. Instead of being in the corner, I was in the middle. That night my idea led to one of the most successful fundraisers in the group's history

The next week, I was back to my normal, quiet self, yet people acknowledged me, they noticed me! I noticed that if you take innovative, then you will gain communication skills, teamwork skills and everything else you need to become a great leader.

Thanks

Both have been well written, but if I was to write the essay I would concentrate more on the subject matter.. 'What did I learn from my Leadership experiences??'

This essay should have 3 parts basically. The first where you build up the story (the starter with the clear glass award would do just fine).

the second part should briefly deal with how you got there. here you can start with your encounter with U-connect. narrate how, when and why briefly and then jump to the part where you stood up for something you believe and the idea led to the successful fundraiser (essay B).

Now the 3rd and final part should deal with what you learned, people noticing and acknowledging is something that comes along the way... and the things like communication skills team work and all are pre requisites to be a good leader... What you learned is something different. It is the experience and qualities you inculcated to your personality along the way,

Your prompt is "What have you learned from your various leadership experiences?". In your intro, the gist of your paragraph is a little bit fuzzy. It's not directly stated. Please remember these things in writing an introduction:

1. Introductory sentence (introduce the main idea using these strategies: definition, analogy, quotation,etc.)-- TOPIC SENTENCE
2. Supporting details( support your main sentence with relevant details through examples, proofs, and experiences)

Try to make your essay a little more formal. Avoid incorporating unnecessary expression (E.G EEK!) and also evade using too much parentheses when you want to add some details. In a certain case, you may use commas (,). Ex.When I first joined U-Connect crew,a youth led organization, -- (a youth led organization)

Note: Make sure that you properly place your topic sentence in the paragraph ( beginning, middle, last).