Questbridge National College Match Essay
Just finished the first required essay, and just wanted to know what could be improved/fixed.
Prompt: We are interested in learning more about you and the context in which you have grown up, formed your aspirations, and accomplished your academic successes. Please describe the factors and challenges that have most shaped your personal life and aspirations. How have these factors helped you to grow?
Essay:
"Never make excuses. Your friends don't need them and your foes won't believe them." -John Wooden. As poetic as my grandmother is, she would have taken this approach on teaching me to persist without delay a little more frankly, under the lines of "stop feeling sorry for yourself".
My grandmother, like the majority of my family, works to see to it that each member live up to their fullest potential, without excuses.
This has always been evident since my move to State College, Pennsylvania when I was four years old. After my parent's divorce, we ultimately migrated from Maryland to move closer to my maternal grandparents, and to ensure that I was subject to the "best" rearing, regardless of my circumstances. With my family's help, I was able to begin violin lessons, which I commit to playing to this day; despite my rather strained relationship with my instrument, I have never failed to use it as motivation to never give up, even at moments where I feel that the violin is more of a commitment than a pleasant pastime. Through my family's encouragement, I began to take theatre classes outside of school. Though it was not here that my career plans crystallized, this early introduction into community theatre planted the seed for my current aspirations. With my family's aid I was able to attend a Quaker school, where advanced learning was fostered along with principles of kindness and fellowship. The unique structure of the curriculum around these pillars played a fundamental role in instilling my current belief system that I fail to stray from. Even though my family was concerned of me being one of five African-American students in attendance, and consequently my ability to fit in, I remained blind to this fact and propelled, and while I was not the most advanced in my class, extracurricular studying of geography and vocabulary with my grandparents allowed me to thrive in my future schooling.
Though my life in Pennsylvania was well grounded, the twelve hour drive to North Carolina, to which my father relocated after he split, drove a wedge in our relationship. My mother, needing of a change in setting, and concerned with my sister and I's connection with our father, decided the best decision was to move to North Carolina.
Unknowing at the time, this shift would play the most pivotal role in my life so far. From staying in a house with seven other relatives, to moving to an apartment in a not-so-good-neighborhood, my life completely changed. Although the move was quite unexpected, and dealt a large dose of culture shock, I did not allow for it to affect my future plans, in fact let it work to my advantage. Charlotte, North Carolina motivated me to begin my search for schools at the tender age of ten, eager to make my own decisions on my major, location, and career. Though the ultimate career goal was subject to several modifications, from vetting, to meteorology, to computer science, my goal to pursue a path in which I would continue learning never faltered.
My solidified career choices came quickly and rather unexpectedly. Though I had been previously involved in theatre, my true passion came from participating in a two-week long summer camp focused solely on the arts. To this small camp, I credit it with assisting me in adopting a career path that would make me content, and influence my most recent choices. The camp inspired to audition for the high school that I am currently enrolled in and deciding that theatre is my track, notwithstanding its lack of practicality. Within a year at the school, theatre became my sun as my life revolved around transforming into another character. As time progressed my mother's workload seemed to only increase, and advised me to take a break from doing shows as she wanted me to pursue a path that would guarantee a decent income, so that I would not be in our current position when I grew up.
Acknowledging her concerns, I refused, and when my mother could no longer transport me to the strenuous rehearsals, I took the bus, despite getting home at late hours that would creep into morning. Through times where I argued with my mother over my choices in spite of her wishes, struggled to find the time to do schoolwork, or took on relatively more independence than my peers, my view of what was to come remained clear.
Though I often reflect on how my life would have been different had I stayed in Pennsylvania, where I had a well established life in a supportive community, I do believe that moving to North Carolina was for the better, as it was here that I determined my own path, and my yearning for independence.
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