Hi everyone! Please check my essay and if possible, correct any existing mistakes.
Thanks in advance! :)
Motivational Letter
Dear Selection Committee,
I am writing this letter with a will to obtain a unique chance to be the DAAD scholarship program participant. After looking for the different kinds of material support for study in Germany, I consider application process for this scholarship as the most suitable for a few reasons. Firstly, it is the fact that knowledge of German is not mandatory in comparison with the other programs such as the scholarships of the Konrad Adenauer Foundation, the Heinrich Böll Foundation etc., where an applicant has to demonstrate it at least on Level B2. Secondly, I appreciate the point that in the case of admission to the interview of the selection process second stage, I must have it in Moscow. In other funding programs, this process implies the interviews only in Germany and consequently making the trip there. Unfortunately, in the near future, I will not have enough time for this due to high workload in my university and enterprise as well. In addition, I can apply for this scholarship before being already enrolled in any German university, unlike, for instance, Deutschlandstipendium.
Here is my opinion why I choose Germany as the country for master's degree acquisition. The local university system is fittest to me due to its next specifics, learned from German students and internet sources. The important point is the absence of tuition fees. Tuition in Western European, as well as North American universities, requires such fees, which are actually unaffordable to me. The newness of scientific equipment also attracts me. Though my home university's department in Moscow provides its students with well-educated and competitive faculty members, in comparison with German technical universities it is a little bit lagging behind in the aspect of laboratory equipment, especially in metrological devices and machine tools. Thus, by dealing with more modern equipment, I would like to compensate some missing knowledge in my scientific field. Also, I find the system of elective courses in many universities there as very progressive. When I have a choice consisting of three or four courses instead of one designated by unknown specialists, I have the opportunity to plan my career better and independently.
One of my interests, partially interconnected with desired professional activities, lies in intercultural communication, learning of the different nations' mental specifics. And I realized that tuition in Germany can significantly improve my expertise in this theme. I made such conclusion after participation in a few volunteer projects of the IJGD organization in Georgensgmünd, Hamburg and Essen, where I gained a lot of international practice. Moreover, I have some personal bonds with Germany which I want to strengthen further in the future. My native city in Russia is Engels, the former Volga Germans Republic capital. It maintains its own German cultural center, where my mother was working in 1990's and my first desire to learn more about this country and its people originated after her numerous stories about collaboration with this institution.
Recently, I have revealed the personal necessity of German language learning, since it may be the very beneficial skill in my profession. Germany is one of the top exporters (8,04% of the global export market in 2015) and for many manufacturing enterprises in Russia presence of an employee with high proficiency in this language would be desirable. There is no another country where I could master the standard variant of this language with the best results. And the fact that the DAAD offers German courses additionally encourages me to apply for this scholarship.
After obtaining a master's degree abroad, I would like to work in the sector of machine tools production as a technical manager or a mechanical engineer. Reading a lot of technology news, I understood that German companies still wish to participate in the Russian's industrial development. For instance, recently, DMG-MORI, a famous German-Japanese CNC machines manufacturing corporation has opened its new center in Ulyanovsk. Furthermore, in my research institution Ť...ť I program via a CAM-system the machining centers produced by DMG-MORI. In general, I am pleased by the characteristics of the details, processed by this technological equipment. During my study in Germany, I hope to visit this or at least some other similar enterprises. My most crucial professional goal is to make a noticeable contribution in quality management in Russian industry, also by means of effective cooperation with German and other foreign firms.
My first choice - M.Sc. in Mechanical Engineering program at Fachhochschule Lübeck - University of Applied Sciences is motivated by the next taught disciplines which might be helpful in my career. The module ŤProduct Development in Productionť is interrelated with Research & Development (R&D). This theme accompanies with my professional goal because generally, it denotes production improvement. The module ŤPrototyping and Virtual Realityť would deepen my practical knowledge of the R&D activities, since physical and virtual prototypes are widely used there. Besides, the reason for the first priority given to this university is the big quantity of electives - 12 modules in sum. The second priority - M.Sc. in Systems Engineering and Engineering Management program at Fachhochschule Südwestfalen - University of Applied Sciences was chosen because of the core module ŤSystems Engineeringť covering the main topics of product lifecycle management. I consider comprehension of this subject as a prerequisite for being a high-qualitative specialist in modern industry, with its abundance of complex systems. The program is also interesting to me due to its content representing intermixing of technical and managerial disciplines. The last choice - M.Eng. in Design and Development in Automotive and Mechanical Engineering program at Hochschule Esslingen - University of Applied Sciences is substantiated by the will to enlarge my competency in machinery design. Though this program has not electives, it provides a strong basis in the methodological, ecological and economical aspects of design, as well as vibration problems, advanced CAD-systems and structural integrity. What's more, I choose this university because of its location in Southern Germany - the most economically developed and attractive region with its unique traditions needing to get explored.
To sum up, I believe that the successful partnership with the DAAD should be my first step in getting the valuable introducer of German corporate culture and production standards. With the confidence of being selected, I am looking forward to a reply.
Sincerely,
...
Hi! I have some feedback for you!
I am writing this letter with a will to obtain a unique ...
I am writing this letter with a STRONG will/ DESIRE (you can use both) to apply as the DAAD scholarship program participant.
etc., Please do not shorten your word or it is better for you to not using etc in formal letter.
...Konrad Adenauer Foundation, the Heinrich Böll Foundation... Besides, I think comparing others scholarship to the one that you want to apply is not a good idea.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,864 
4788 Viktor, as with any motivational letter, you should do your best to simply stick to the facts regarding your application. That means, you do not need to mention any other similar programs. Most specially, do not make a comparison of the program requirements from various scholarships. That makes it seem like you have applied to and been rejected by those programs. That is a big no, no in any application.
When you discuss the reasons why you have opted to study your masters degree in Germany, please do not mention that it is because they do not charge any tuition fees. That is a very selfish and pathetic reason to opt to study in a foreign country. A more acceptable answer would be related to a university and program of study that you have chosen. Relating those to your current work experience and how you hope to be able to use that information in your line of work in the future. Please revise that part of your essay immediately.
If you wish to further improve your letter, you may do so by mentioning one of the many companies where you can do your 6 month internship and why you believe that training there would be beneficial to your country or line of work. Right now, I feel that you do not realize you have to do an internship program since you speak from the point of view of an observer rather than a participant in the process. How do you intend to become a beneficial member of your country in this field of work upon your return? Don't just say it explain how you plan to do it. These are specifics that you definitely need to work out for this letter.
Most of all, you should make sure that your letter will answer only these important points and it should not be more than a page long. So that means 5 paragraphs, at least 3 lines per paragraph response, and no deviation from the demands of the motivational letter that will make it unduly long.
@Holt
Thank you so much for so structured reply. Please take into account that according to the Russian DAAD application requirements, we gotta specify 3 universities, not only one. And that fact definitely complicates realization of the first prompt you've given me. Also, my MSc programs do not require mandatory internships, those are the programs of 3 semesters. Of course, 2 of 3 programs may just positively regard internship during the master's thesis writing process. Moreover, the DAAD requires longer motivational letters. I read that some of the Russian applicants were rejected just because of the short length of the essay.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,864 4788 Hi Viktor, my apologies as I am more familiar with the DAAD application for German or Germany based applicants. That is why I gave you this specific set of advice. My apologies if it is not applicable to your application. So I guess you came here only for grammar opinions, which Alrisky has already taken care of for you. I believe that you already know your letter is in its final format and doesn't require any more technical advice regarding content or format. There is nothing to change anymore. My apologies for thinking that you needed advice regarding that aspect. I was mistaken. Thank you for the eye opener. I will keep that in mind the next time someone asks for DAAD advice here. I will be sure to make a clarification between the German and Russian application. Apparently they function under a different set of rules. I hope though, that you will take what you can use from my advice and throw away what you cannot use. Good luck with your application.
@Holt
Yes, for sure, sets of rules for different countries for the DAAD scholarship are diverse. Nonetheless, following your advice, I eliminated the part concerning scholarships comparison, and also I did the same with the tuition fees theme. Plus, I detailed paragraph regarding practical benefits of having the probable internship in one of the German manufacturing enterprises.
Motivational Letter
Dear Selection Committee,
I am writing this letter with a strong will to apply as the DAAD scholarship program participant. Here are the reasons why I choose Germany as the country for master's degree acquisition. The local university system is fittest to me due to its next specifics, learned from German students and internet sources. Firstly, the newness of scientific equipment made a considerable impact on me while choosing where to study. Though my home university's department in Moscow provides its students with well-educated and competitive faculty members, in comparison with German technical universities it is a little bit lagging behind in the aspect of laboratory equipment, especially in metrological devices and machine tools. Thus, by dealing with more modern equipment, I would like to compensate some missing knowledge in my scientific field. Secondly, I find the system of elective courses in many universities there as very progressive. When I have the choice consisting of three or four courses instead of one designated by unknown specialists, I have the opportunity to plan my career better and independently. Thirdly, the German higher educational system looks more transparent. In my viewpoint, the clear structure of study courses, containing the modules with thoroughly detailed descriptions, seriously helps prospective and beginning students not to make any mistake in their application and be well-prepared for many challenges in advance. Though Russian universities provide their own descriptions of study programs as well, they are not so verbose. Also, one of my interests, partially interconnected with desired professional activities, lies in learning of the different nations' mental specifics for better international communication. And I realized that tuition in Germany can significantly improve my expertise in this theme. I made such conclusion after participation in a few volunteer projects of the IJGD organization in Georgensgmünd, Hamburg and Essen, where I gained a lot of practice in interaction with foreigners.
Recently, I have revealed the personal necessity of German language learning, since it may be the very beneficial skill in my profession. Germany is one of the top exporters (8,04% of the global export market in 2015) and for many manufacturing enterprises in Russia presence of an employee with high proficiency in this language would be desirable. There is no another country where I could master the standard variant of this language with the best results. And the fact that the DAAD offers German courses additionally encourages me to apply for this scholarship.
After obtaining a master's degree abroad, I would like to work in the sector of machine tools production as a technical manager or a leading mechanical engineer. Reading a lot of technology news, I understood that German companies still wish to participate in the Russian's industrial development. For instance, recently, DMG-MORI, a famous German-Japanese CNC machines manufacturing corporation has opened its new center in Ulyanovsk. Furthermore, in my research institution Ť...ť I program via a CAM-system the machining centers produced by DMG-MORI. In general, I am pleased by the characteristics of the details, processed by this technological equipment. During my study in Germany, I would like to get an internship in this or at least some other similar enterprises. My crucial professional goal is to make a noticeable contribution to quality betterment in Russian industry. Being admitted to the training in one of such local companies can provide me the most up to date expertise in the aspects of quality control, design and machining processes, which I wish to apply in one of home factories.
My first choice - M.Sc. in Mechanical Engineering program at Fachhochschule Lübeck - University of Applied Sciences is motivated by the next taught disciplines which might be helpful in my career. The module ŤProduct Development in Productionť is interrelated with Research & Development (R&D). This theme accompanies with my professional goal because generally, it denotes production improvement. The module ŤPrototyping and Virtual Realityť would deepen my practical knowledge of the R&D activities, since physical and virtual prototypes are widely used there. Besides, the reason for the first priority given to this university is the big quantity of electives - 12 modules in sum. The second priority - M.Sc. in Systems Engineering and Engineering Management program at Fachhochschule Südwestfalen - University of Applied Sciences was chosen because of the core module ŤSystems Engineeringť covering the main topics of product lifecycle management. I consider comprehension of this subject as a prerequisite for being a high-qualitative specialist in modern industry, with its abundance of complex systems. The program is also interesting to me due to its content representing intermixing of technical and managerial disciplines. The last choice - M.Eng. in Design and Development in Automotive and Mechanical Engineering program at Hochschule Esslingen - University of Applied Sciences is substantiated by the will to enlarge my competency in machinery design. Though this program has not electives, it provides a strong basis in the methodological, ecological and economical aspects of design, as well as vibration problems, advanced CAD-systems and structural integrity. I wish to use the information acquired from this program in the development process of new manufacturing units in my home country. What's more, I choose this university because of its location in Southern Germany - the most economically developed and attractive region with its unique traditions needing to get explored.
To sum up, I believe that the successful partnership with the DAAD should be my first step in getting the valuable introducer of German corporate culture and production standards. With the confidence of being selected, I am looking forward to a reply.
Sincerely,
...
