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Who I Am? a daughter, a sister, a mother, a student and a dreamer



valdes_eliana 1 / -  
Sep 23, 2013   #1
Who I Am?
I am a daughter, a sister, a mother, a student and a dreamer. I am the daughter of a single mother who came to the United Stated leaving everything behind to give her children a better life. I am the oldest of four siblings. I am a single mother of a playful, energetic, and loving two year old girl. I am a student currently working on an Associate's degree and planning to transfer to a four year college. I am a dreamer who hopes that one day she could make a difference.

I was twelve years old when my parents divorced and came to the United States with my mother and my three siblings. Because I did not speak English it was extremely difficult for me to assimilate to the American culture. However, within a couple of years I was proficient reading and writing English.

Being the oldest sister I have always felt that it is my responsibility to set a good example to my younger sibling. Even though my sister and I all have different personalities we have learned how to get along well. They know that I am a very sensitive person and I know that they are very sarcastic. Regardless of our differences and our busy schedules we spend time together to share our aspirations and goals.

I was six months pregnant when I found out I was having a baby girl. Since then my life has completely changed. I found out that a child does not come with instructions and you learn from experiences and mistakes. I spend my weekends watching the same movie over and over again but I wouldn't change it for anything because my daughter is my biggest motivation to keep moving forward.

When I found out I was pregnant I knew I had to go back to school and improve my academic performance. I began attending Rio Hondo College summer 2012 without having a major in mind, but I knew I had to have an excellent academic performance. I was fortunate to take a Political Science class with a knowledgeable professor who engaged everyone to participate in class and become informed in government issues. Justice, equality and community needs are of great importance to me that is the reason why I want to major in Political Science. I do dream that I could eventually go to law school and become and attorney.

Because of the financial burden I know it is going to be a challenge to finish my education but not impossible. Federal Work Study was part of my financial aid package but unfortunately my financial aid was denied. I have also been found ineligible for additional student services that the college offers because although I do meet income eligibility, I am not considered educational disadvantage.

Who am I? I am , unique, persistent, enthusiastic, sensitive, romantic and idealistic yet realistic. My experiences have made me who I am and they will continue to shape who I will become; a role model, an inspiration and a difference.

moonname 6 / 14  
Sep 25, 2013   #2
I am not professional at all and I comment only to learn something more.
You wrote: "Even though my sister and I all have different personalities we have learned how to get along well. They know that I am a very sensitive person and I know that they are very sarcastic." so, who is the reference of "they"? It is not clear and it seems wrong because you spoke about your sister in the last sentence and the proper pronoun for her is "she". If you want to refer to your family you should mention them in your last sentence or you shouldn't use pronoun instead of "my family".

moreover, you wrote in the first sentence: "my sister and I all "; I think you'd better delete "all" or say: "both" my sister and I.
dumi 1 / 6793  
Oct 4, 2013   #3
Who I Am?

....Who am I?
I am a daughter, a sister, a mother, a student and most importantly a dreamer. ... the dreaming factor describes your ambition while others are mostly your demographics. So, I think you better have a little more emphasis on that aspect;

I am a daughter, a sister, a mother, a student and a dreamer. I am the daughter of a single mother who came to the United Stated leaving everything behind to give her children a better life. I am the oldest of four siblings. I am a single mother of a playful, energetic, and loving two year old girl. I am a student currently working on an Associate's degree and planning to transfer to a four year college. I am a dreamer who hopes that one day she could make a difference.

.... I like the way you have presented this intro ... good job :)

I was twelve years old when my parents divorced and came to the United States with my mother and my three siblings.

.... this has some small technical issue becaue it was your mom who brought you to US, and not you who brought your mom.... got my point?

Let me fix that;
I was twelve years old when my parents got divorced and my mom moved into the US with me and my three siblings.


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