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describe personal history, goals & how a college degree will affect you...



dnoor2013 1 / 1  
May 22, 2014   #1
Hi all, I am writing this essay for a scholarship.
English is not my native language. Please I need your criticism to improve this. I would really appreciate your comment, critique, or any editing in my grammar or sentence structure. Many thanks.

First Generation Scholarship Fund.
Essay: One page essay describing personal history, goals and how a college degree will affect you and your family.

I was ten years old when my father divorced my mother and left my family for another woman. It was very difficult for my mother, who was pregnant at the time to raise seven children without a job. This forced my mother to sell pastries on the streets of Mogadishu, Somalia so she could put bread on our table. Mogadishu does not have a functioning government that mandates alimony, and my father did not bother with helping my mother raise us. However, my mother had a great work ethic and perseverance where she sacrificed her jewelry, and all of her clothes so we can afford to go to school and get an education that she never had. Once my mother gave birth, I got a job as a shoe shiner where I would work twelve to thirteen hour shifts after school. The knowledge I have gained from my experiences is how to be hard worker, independent, stay motivated, and overcome obstacles in life.

There are many goals in my life that I would love to achieve. My short term goal is to get a grade point average of 3.9 or higher for every semester in college. I started working towards this goal and achieved a perfect GPA for the spring semester of 2014. It was challenging for me, because I was a full-time student and a worker; but I managed my time wisely and got the most out of it. This showed me that it was possible and motivated me to work even harder because, I knew that I was getting closer to my goal than before. I plan to accomplish this goal by being an active student that participates, studies well, and goes to instructors and tutors for challenging courses. My long term goal is to attain a bachelor's degree in Electrical and Computer Engineering. I have chosen this field, because ever since I was a kid I loved taking things apart, and see how they work. I am planning on attending Columbus State Community College for one year then, transfer to Ohio State University for my BS degree.

Getting a college degree will allow me to pursue my dreams in becoming ECE. It will also increase my earning potential where I can then help my family back in Mogadishu who are barely surviving. I will bring them here in America and make sure that my siblings have the opportunity to go to college and chase their dreams as well. This will make me a role model for my younger siblings. Because I will be the first in my family to break that barrier and graduate from college. My mother will be very happy to see that her sacrifices and efforts did not go to waste. But affording the cost of my dream is a struggle because, I send monthly bills to my family in Mogadishu and have little to none left for me. Having the support of First Generation Scholarship will allow me to pursue this rewarding career as an Electrical and Computer Engineer.

Thank you for your time!!

dumi 1 / 6793  
May 23, 2014   #2
It was very difficult for my mother, who was pregnant at the time to raise seven children without a job.

My mother, who was unemployed and pregnant at the time, was put in a great difficulty as she was left alone with the responsibility of raising seven children.

However, my mother had a great work ethicstrong determination and perseverance where she sacrificedand she gave up all her jewelry, and all of her clothes so we cancould afford to go to school and get an education that she never had.


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